Defying Gravity

Humanity

2011-12-16T16:00:00.000-06:00

I feel human today.
My heart skips.
My feet falter.
My smile fades.

Twin

2011-12-11T11:36:00.002-06:00

Here I am again
Floating Next
to myself
mushed in a sound
cloud
who could
expand or not
into the depth
of a midnight green sky
Wander
the daring young, used to be young man, on the flying trap....
sitting in MY insulated room
in 7th grade again
practicing a flute
today isn't that different from tomorrow
TKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTKTTKTK

Squealing, Chanting, Dancing

2011-04-28T21:34:00.003-05:00

This morning I awoke naturally around 10:30am without an alarm clock as I have all week. I rode my bike on the west Trinity River trail from 12-2pm riding alongside a glorious river, two graveyards, five bridges, a boathouse and millions of wildflowers. My heart is happy.

After a late lunch a Pei Wei with Kung Pow Chicken I journeyed to my four hours of flute lessons. My passion is my work. Not many can say this. My last two students let me know they would be absent and I left early. Unexpectedly early. As I drove toward home I realized that my favorite band was performing at Central Market, my favorite grocery store. I decided to head over there. Hundreds of people were gathered, starring, loving their music. Clapping and jumping abounded. I grabbed some pita and hummus and a small salad from inside and headed to the patio to listen to the fiddle and bag pipes and electric guitar. It was amazing. I literally loved every note. At one point I was squealing, chanting and dancing along with their music. Thank you Kildares for your incredible Irish music.

I press these tiny keys tonight to share with you a brief moment of my happiness. Capitol Bar's band is playing tonight live outside my window and it feels as if my fingers are rhythmically dancing along with their beat.

This life. My life. So other worldly. So far from stories about the real world that I heard as a boy. Except. That. This. Is. My. Real. Word. I've lived in it my entire life. It's not like the rose colored glasses my mother's friend Penny always wore. It's not like the glass house I heard one should never throw stones or walk around naked in. It's so completely lovely to me. This place where my thoughts come to life.

I play a few notes on my flute. Just a few. Then silently drip into my mount in a few tiny sips of white wine as I await my next adventure.

Here I am world. Erich. Douglas. Tucker. Boy. I mean. Man now. Oh please let me keep my childlike virtue for thousands of hours more.

I pause to create now. My fingers trampoline back and forth from wine to keys. Tip. Tap. Clip. Clap. Dom 7th chords waft into my window. And the best part, I have nothing on my schedule for the next 48 hours. Nothing. I can yoga. Dance. Run. Workout. Put on my Green Lantern underroos and grab my egg beater and fight for my right to party all night.

(roar)

Erich

2011-01-16T15:30:00.002-06:00

At the age of 34 I still adore jumping on a trampoline. I'm attracted to all things green. I feel timelessness. Life is beautiful and musical and filled with harmony. I am experience an almost effortless existence. I continue to do one activity every month that I have never done before. So far my list includes: sewing my own under ware, 6.3 mile military obstacle mud race, acupuncture, past life regression therapy, adjudicating all-region oboe, manicure, recording and releasing an album, building a website on my own www.erichtucker.com, certifications as a creativity coach and a personal fitness instructor, dumpster diving and making my own calendar. I plan to continue this practice as long as possible. My first one three years ago was to do a hot yoga class, and I loved it so much I continue to practice weekly.

I feel connected to my earth and sun today. I see stars and want to visit them. This year my word is light. I plan to study it and become as "light" as possible. My previous years words were: Balance, Alive, and Love. So incredibly successful that I must continue. While I've never taken heart to astrology in the past, it is ever growing in my mind. The words that I have read promise to deliver a fantastic year for me. I'm open to many new ideas and I can feel my professional productivity increase. I will create excellent music without competition. I will make sounds and teach sounds. This excites me.

I feel many significant changes in my relationships headed toward me. A transposition/transcription of friendship and love. There is great energy all around. I defined and un-define myself anew each day. I will grow in my practice to eat mostly plants and meditate daily. My thoughts are purposeful and powerful.

I share only a glimpse of these evolutions with my blog readers. My blog, a natural progression of the journal I have kept since the age of 12. Slightly softened, as I know these words are read by you.

Sleepers awake. Come and sing with me.
Our lights will shine.

The measured tree overflows.

2011-01-07T00:39:00.001-06:00

The measured tree overflows.

The Fountain

2010-08-22T06:31:00.002-05:00

My final day in Australia. Ran the tan loop around the Royal Botanical Gardens then off to St. Kilda Pier for fish and chips. I see a penguin in his live habitat. Well not the whole penguin, just his ass. He was mooning me. Did I come all the way to Australia to be mooned by a sleeping penguin? Why yes I did. On the way back from the pier to the car I feel like Dorthy in Oz. We walk past a set of ruby red slippers. Nice.

Shopping for a gift for Abby at Harbor Town. A drive on the bayfront road with Jeff and Allen to Williamstown where one of the most hysterical moments of my life happened. Fortunately for you Jeff was there with his video camera and I will soon be able to show you the video. I become thirsty and fine a beautiful water fountain, perhaps the fanciest that I have ever encountered. A large elderly Italian woman is trying to get a drink, but the water pressure is too high. I have the same idea and I walk up to join her. We speak to each other and take turns getting squirted in the face at the fountain. She speaks of politics and Obama and tells me of her subdivision. Each time she gets splashed (quite forcefully) in the face with water I laugh hysterically, at one point I begin to squeak and even get the hiccups. Priceless moment in my life. T'will never forget this. We drive past the Titanic dinner theater. I am reminded of my love of theater. I am grateful for my dear friends. I am grateful for my life.

Then off to dinner at Papa Gino's at Laigon street, followed by Brunetti. I amend my lifetime diet choices to read, "Will never eat processed sugar, except at Brunetti's." Then back home to pack. I leave for the airport in a few hours. My trip is over. I have loved every last moment. No tears. I am ready. Twelve billion hour flight home, but at least it's on my favorite airline. I'm full. Full emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically.....Alive. My music is alive in me. I will return home to share music and teach students with great creativity and much muchness.

Thank you for sharing these moments with me. I wish you were here with me. I love living my life.

Footy

2010-08-21T07:00:00.002-05:00

Today/Saturday. Breakfast at the farmer's market. I long for fresh food. This air quality, water quality, food quality...my heart smiles. Then off to Genesis, my Australia gym for a workout/run. Full body. Then to a footy game. Every subdivision here in Melbourne has a team. There are 30 professional footy teams in Melbourne. Four majoy stadiums throughout the city. The whole city lives to cheer on their teams. The stadium is packed. Round, not like our square football. The game is intense. I live inside the game. Great fun.

Thankfully the staduim is near the Docklands which I walk through one last time, and near the Southern Cross mall where I buy a few last moment Australia gifts. A necklace and a belt. A journal. Then off for another night a my beloved Laigon street. Brunetti one last time. I try five tiny desserts. I look around for apartments for rent. If only I lived near Brunetti's. I can fly 17 hours for a cookie. Right?

I scramble to update my blog. Words not worthy of my creativity spill onto the page in hopes of just outlining my day so I will remember this trip forever. Life at an accelerated pace. My feet prepare for an evening of dancing. I will be ready for the trip home when it arrives tomorrow, but I am not ready yet. More fun yet to be discovered.

Fairy Tree

2010-08-21T06:50:00.003-05:00

Yesterday/Friday.....breakfast at the Parahan farmer's market. Then I ran through the Royal Botanical Gardens through the Yarra River, past Abba World and Federation Square to Parliament which led me to Fitsroy Gardens. I ran through the gardens by three ponds, a statue of Neptune, JFK memorial, the Conservatory of Plants and little village....with the most magical and beautiful Fairy Tree in the center of gardens. The off to tour the Museum of the Moving Image exhibit at Federation Square. Then to the Arts Center where I saw the most fascinating exhibit that combined music and art. The painters had chosen or composed music for the patrons to hear while looking at their work. Amazing combinations of sights and sounds. Then a 4:30 tea with Allen's friends at the market followed immediately by my final Bikram class here in Australia. My favorite German teacher. Yes!! But I was weak....not anything near the quality of my class the night before, but at least I went. An evening of sharing stories with friends back at the house. Lovely day. I choose not to travel to Gelong. I love Melbourne so dearly that I need more time here. I want to be here. Fantasy island for me. This is the most perfect vacation I have ever created....two more days.

German Yoga

2010-08-19T06:18:00.002-05:00

Gym this morning. Farmer's Market for lunch. I basically had such a good day two days ago that I repeated it.

My body came to life in Bikram class tonight. The German teacher. Her W's sound like V's. Her B's are hard. Lean BBBBBBack, way BBBBBBBBack, go BBBBBBBBack. Change. Gloriously hot. Nearly 100% humidity too. I adore her voice. She corrected me with kindness eight times. For 90 mins. I live inside her voice. I am German. She reminded me so much of my German family who came to visit my great-grandmother when I was young. I loved every moment. I know you are supposed to release tension in your whole body, even your face, but I was smiling the whole class. A very "Sara" day. And I deerly love "Sara" days. It begins to feel like a second home here.

I fear that if I return to Laigon street I will be too heavy to fit on the plane. My diet of plants and whole foods has lasted the entire trip, except Laigon.

My day is over. I imagine my friends waking up in Texas. Three more days. My bedroom heater has broken and I am cold. It's winter. On Monday I return to summer. Goodnight world.

The Great Ocean Road and The 12 Apostles

2010-08-18T08:05:00.003-05:00

I awake early. Off to my first (and last) tour bus Australia experience. 11 hours on long. It was a necessary sacrifice. When would I ever have the chance to see these natural wonders again? I had to.

English breakfast with Allen before the tour begins at Creepers. Yeah. It was delicious. Had no idea it was called Creepers till after I ate there. Pictures soon. But just imagine this. If you know of Harry Potter, it was how I imagined Diagon Alley. I'm totally loving how waiters here just take your order and then bring you food and then clean it up. No constant coming back to dote. This is my style. Send Allen off to work.....

I meet my tour group. Verna, a retired mathematics professor from Georgia, now living in Canada; Pinki, a junior level law student in England originally from Hong Kong and 18 others, many people speaking French, Japanese and a Slovic language. Three tiny young Asian girls wearing pleather. Pleather? Really? I didn't know people even made pleather clothes anymore. Later that day at lunch I observe, wow Erich, this little luncheon is totally international. If you have ever ridden the It's a Small World Thingey at Disney World, then you pretty much can picture us sitting together at lunch. I sing in French for the family from Paris. Thank you public education system and state university. Five years of French language training and I remember almost nothing.

I'm so tired from waking up at 5:40am, that I miss the first hour of the trip while sleeping. I awaken to find myself on the Great Ocean Road. I'll let you see pictures later. Yes it was that wonderful. Anyways, I awaken to realize that my bus driver/tour guide is almost 103 years old, driving like a bat outta hell across the windy dirt road through the mountainous cliffs overlooking the crashing sea. My mind flutters back to the headline from yesterday's paper: Great Ocean Road Tour Bus Tips: 1 Dead, 34 Injured. OMG. What if we fall into the sea? For most of this road I fade back to sleep....it's too much. Two summers ago visiting the Yukton Territory in Canada with mom I had to do the same thing. It was too much for me. Sleep my favorite of all defense mechanisms. Sleep more. A few divine pictures.

Momentary stops at the 12 Apostles. Google it. Rock formations jutting out of the water. I knew I may never see anything like this again. My bumpy-frumpy-dumpy-ass, cold, and frightening bus ride is well worth it. I am seeing history in the making. I am watching continents being shaped. Razor back. The Twins. London Bridge. Funny thing there are way more than 12. I wonder why don't they just call it The Apostles. Why confuse people with 12 when there are more. There was a gateway across onto one of the rocks, but it fell off about ten years ago so we didn't walk on it.

I walk through a rain forest. (Which looks remarkably like the backyard of my brother's house in Florida...) Eucalyptus trees every where. I see three live Kolas sleeping in a tree. "Koi" means "No" in Aborigine. "Alla" means "water." They never drink water. Get all their moisture from the leaves. Not actually bears, they are marsupials and they sleep for 20 hours per day because they really don't get much nutrients from only eating leaves. Thank goodness I am learning something. If that bus driver is going to drive us off a cliff, then he better teach me something before I go. Justification. I need to be intelligent by the time I get to heaven. What if Jesus asks me to solve word problems like he did on the SAT? A parrot colony, 200 birds, fly around the bus. Ooooo, pretty.

Life. Death. I find three trees growing out of one rotting dead tree. Even in death there is life. It's the cycle. I understand. So beautiful. And cold. Plants everywhere. Ferns. Yellow flowered trees.

My body screams for yoga. Get me off of this bus. You saw what you needed to see. Take me to yoga tomorrow. Stay in class all day. Do all four classes. Listen to me. And no more onion juice.

I arrive back at Winter Crest, the name I have given the mansion I am staying in off Donald street. Moments of sharing with my friends. I see a large vase on the shelf. I fill it with water and begin to drink, recovering from the dehydration I endured all day with no restroom on the bus. Next a photoshoot. Next hot tea. Next I sit. Next I begin to blog as I write yesterday's story. Next I write today's.

Now we are here. In this moment. My bed is near. We are caught up. Sleep, not defense mechanism sleep, but real pure lovely sleep calls to me. I feel adoration for so much of the world, so many friends who I hold in my heart, and I feel their love as they share my journey by reading these words. Alive. Balance. Energy. Awake. My friends and family are waking up now in the states. Should I warn them it's going to be a bumpy day?

Docklands, St. Kilda and South Warf

2010-08-18T07:12:00.004-05:00

To continue from Tuesday after the Farmer's Market....after a brief nap.....

Time for a run. Headed for the sea. Pointed my heart and feet toward the smell of salt water....Here again I lack wordage. Glorious? Breathtaking? Beyond my comprehension. I've heard it said that life is measured by moments that take your breath away. Well, I've had my ten times my share while visiting Australia. More than I ever expected. I ran above the water on St. Kilda's Pier, discovered a tiny island in the bay where the penguins come home to sleep. 2.5 hours of running total. Found South Warf. Let's just rename it for a moment..MECCA. At the end of my run I accidentally landed at MECCA, outlet mall, an outlet mall that was just about to go bankrupt, so basically everything was on sale. Now I'm not a shopper, but I knew.... So K-Boom. Hot new international fashion. My mind drifts....
"Oh hello Mr. Tucker that's such a nice new outfit you are wearing today here in the teachers lounge...", sayeth the lines of teachers in our desolation de fashion wilderness/teacher's lounge. "Why thank you," I say politely back, "Just a bit of INTERNATIONAL fashion I came across while shopping in Australia this summer." My heart smiles, knowing all the while that the moment I dedicated my life to teaching that I would never again be fashionable.....until now that is.
Store after store of style. Jackpot. Bingo. My new wardrobe. And best part of all....I now own three pairs of hot Australia Bonds Underwear. All the beautiful people in yoga class were wearing them. Now I have some. I can just imagine how perfect life will be when I wear them back home.
Strolling with bags of clothes I stumble upon the Docklands. Magnificent numbers of boats and docks jetting from land to sea. Sun setting on the water. Planks of art protruding from the cement. Look a stadium. Look a sail boat. Look a square cow hanging out of a brown leafless tree. (Really.) A city well-planned. So perfectly fitted together. The train station only across the way, I trapse with my head held high. Walking as if I had walked these steps before. Walking as the hundreds of others did. As if I always walk here everyday about this time. Docklands. I feel close to the water. I feel my father's love of fishing. My family is with me even when I am alone. I turn on i-pod to listen to "Evelyn's Grandson," the piece I recorded in her memory. Murky water. I know she is with me as I remember our summmer trips to the sea as a child. Water is me. I am the water. The water is me.
Dinner at P J O'Brien's Irish Pub. I eat fish. I've eaten more fish this trip than ever in my life. I listen to my body wanting to eat fish. But not. No. Not: Onion juice. Four salads I have ordered here have come with these uncooked onions. I can't eat them nor will I eat any food that had been touched by them. Onion juice. Nasty. Four beautiful salads ruined. So if this is the worst part of my adventure, then good for me.
After dinner off to the Skydeck. 88 stories high. The tallest building in the city. Overlooks the entire land. Oh I thought I'd seen it all during my 2.5 hour run, but this was breathtaking. Lights. Supervision. I was above the city. Clearly in charge of running the whole city. That's how I saw it. Beautiful. If I could pull you into my journey here for just one moment, I'd pull you there. Awesome. Splendid. And high enough that my parasympathetic nervous system was edged out like a cat floating on a log in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Heights are not really my thing. Ok. More than not my thing. It's like an internal, non-adjustable, primordial even, fear-like terror grips my neurons and my body freaks out.....so yes I wanted to be there, needed to be there, loved being there, but also was totally razmatazzed.
Allen, armed with his industrial camera, decides he is a professional photographer and chooses to take pictures of every building he can possibly shoot on the way to Flinder's station in the freezing cold. All of my hair freezes off, my leg goes into hypothermia, my left ventricle shuts down....and he keeps pictures....I recover. Just tiny to grab snacks for tomorrow and visit the bank before I return to my safe, warm, heater-filled room....P'snoodle m'doodle. What a day. Tuesday. I have five days left. I wince. It's 106 at home for 19 days in a row? Maybe I should not be complain about being frozen solid.

Plants

2010-08-16T21:12:00.002-05:00

Spent the morning at my new gym: Genesis. Then stopped by farmer's market to pick up fresh greens, a tomato, a Lebanese cucumber, an avacado, fresh hummus and warm Turkish bread. Delicious lunch. Off to the gardens and the sea today. Tomorrow I relinquish my promise to myself not to tour. I hop on a tour bus at 8am traveling to the Great Ocean Road with a promise that we will stop and see Kolas in their natural habitat. Sky Tower tonight. Perhaps a Bikram Yoga class later today if I can fit it in.

How will I survive back in Texas without my Lebanese cucumbers?

Laigon Street

2010-08-16T06:13:00.003-05:00

To the gods of processed sugar:

Let it be known to you with mine most humble and contrite spirit that I hereby repent, asking for your complete undeserved atonement for mine reading of that most terrible book on eating plants only. You indeed are my one true love and alas I will never more wander again. Thy forgiveness I beseech of thee.

Listen readers. There comes a time in ones life when they must set aside all childish behaviours (like not eating sugar).....Tonight I ventured into Laigon Street in Melbourne, Australia. AKA Little Italy, except cleaner than New York's version and bigger and divine in all aspects of the word. I have never eaten real pizza until tonight. Yes. Years of being my second favorite food in the world and tonight is the first time I've really eaten it. After completely stuffing myself with Italian salad and pizza I continued to shove bites into my face until it was completely gone. My life in pizza began tonight. There were tears rolling down my cheeks as the last bite was swallowed. Brick wall. Pappa Guino's. The name of the restaurant was Pappa Guino's. You can't get fake pizza with a name like that. And I met Pappa Guino. He was standing in the doorway. Worth the train and tram ride to get there. My Elizabeth Gilbert moment. Eat. Pray. Love. NO! Forget the praying and the loving. Just EAT. Without a care of how huge I will be tomorrow. Buckle number four goes back to number three. Who cares? Do I hear a motion for belt buckle number two? I finally had pizza. Italian pizza. Made by Pappa Guino. Just like the guy in the Magic Flute opera by Mozart. A perfect celebtation dinner with my dear friend on the night of the release of my first solo recording. But wait that's not all....

My "former" friend Allen Curry(who promised to help me not eat any processed sugar this week) drug me into Brunetti's Italian bakery after dinner. While trapsing off to the restroom he left me stranded, face to face with rows of real Italian pastries and cookies and cakes and I did. Death by chocolate mousse. Still in a carbohydrated coma from my pizza, I ordered the mousse (after 12 mins of deliberation) and sat down in the cafe. Fine, I speak to myself. Fat isn't really that bad. I did go to yoga this morning, the gym this afternoon and miles of walking in between.....It would be wrong for me not to eat here. I would regret this the rest of my life. This bakery is located above heaven, above the third heaven. And I confess my sins. Repent to the gods of sugar and I dig in. Never before in my entire human existance have I tasted anything remotely close to this chocolate mousse. And get this they know this stuff is bad for you. Brunetti knows. Their take out bags. Guess what they say? That's right FAT. Their take out bags say FAT. They don't even bother putting their own name on the bag. They just write FAT so you can see what you are eating, who you will become and they even have posters on the wall of fat people. Worth every bite. Delicious at it's very essence. And the best part I almost missed....the bowl was made of white chocolate. I ate the bowl too. Then a little of it got on my face and I wiped it off with a napkin. Then I figured why not. So I ate the napkin. Wish I was making this up......tonight I intentionally ate my first napkin. And I'd do it again. If you had been there with me tonight you would have eaten your napkin too. I guarantee it.

"You only have three months to live." I imagine the doctor saying to me. And when that day happens, if that day ever happens, I am getting on a plane and running, not walking to Laigon street and eating at Pappa Guino's and Brunetti's three times a day for the remainder of my life.

Tomorrow back yoga. Back to the gym. And I plan to make my first journey to walk to the sea from my home. I barely have the time to reply to everyone who has sent my notes about my CD release. I'm overwhelmed with beautiful life today. I've found a gym within walking distance to my home here. This completes my circle. Every thing I need is right here. This is paradise. I am not a tourist, I say over and over again to myself. I sincerely don't want to be a tourist and I don't feel like a tourist and I don't even like tourists. On the other side of the world. A little voice tells me I should be one. But I am not. Earth is my home. Perhaps it's easier because there isn't a language barrier. Perhaps I just reside in the global village now.

I consider my first touristy adventure. A trip to the Great Ocean Road where I will stop by to visit Kolas in their natural habitat. Surely I can't travel all this way just to read, yoga, run, visit the sea, eat at farmer's markets, attend cardio kick pump boxing classes and walk through botanical. Why yezzzzzs. One day of touristing will suffice. (And this is for you Aunt Pat: they don't make regular playing cards in Australia. All of the ones here are made it China. So I get that you want them, but they don't exist. After nine stores. So you are getting Chinese Australian playing cards.......)

PRANA. Oh dear Prana. My lovely distribution company warns me it will be three-ten weeks before the music is out. I plan to wait. I am good at waiting. I've already waited a year. I plan to write my releases and promotional material on the plane ride home. Nope. 24 hours and it's out there. Look for me on I-Tunes, CD Baby, Zoon and all digital music stores. Goes online last night at midnight. Almost all major distribution decisions for PRANA are make is here. My first few steps down the red carpet are glorious. I hear from friends and family across the world today with notes of congratulations. I delight that my music is finally flying out there. PRANA. And I sit here in Australia breathing the most pure air I have every breathed. (Prana: Sanskrit, for the vital life force that exists in all living beings, in it's purist form: air.) My dream of recording a yoga flute meditation nature balance awake love life energy album has come true. Thank you for the music. I know how the potter feels with the clay in his hands. I love every note. I listen to the music today as I wander. I hear me. I love every note. I wish that it will soar to the corners of the earth and cause good to happen everywhere. And if I am the only person to ever love the music, then it was worth every ounce of my heart I poured into recording. Official release announcement soon. After I create them!

I walk home from the last tram sharing silly stories with my friend. I end of laughing myself into a fit up hiccups. Life is beautiful

Tea and Curry

2010-08-15T05:45:00.002-05:00

Tea. An ocean of tea. I delve into tea. People ask all the time if I want some, so I usually do. Never a fan of hot tea till now. Why Yezzzzzzzs I'll have some black tea. Thank you.

My dear friend Allen who has invited me to stay. Many heart-to-hearts. Watching him show me his city. Both of us raised in Florida, schooled in Texas, now walking the shores of Australia. Perfect fun. Perfect friends. I am always sad when my dearest friends move away. Now I am grateful for a friend in Melbourne, for hospitality, for much of my trip that is constructed by him. Curry. Why yezzzzzzs, Tea and Curry. Spices. Sadly though his idea of helping me not eat sugar all week has been to eat vanilla cakes, apple pies and many delicious sweets while offering me to join in. NO!

I forgot to check to see if the water in the toilet really does spin the other direction. I will let you know later.

Timing and Food are Everything

2010-08-15T05:27:00.004-05:00

I realise it's been months since I have consistently blogged. No excuses. Just didn't have time to say anything. Life was too beautiful in every moment to pause to write. I have time here on vacation to write. For 23 years I played flute without a desire to record. Teaching was my heartsong and still is, but now my heart sings to record also. I am artist. I have something to say. And in moments when I rest or when I don't have words/music/beauty, then I will not contribute to the endless chatter that stopped up the mental sewers of our planet. I will kindly look for beauty and truth elsewhere.

Four times today my host asked me if I wanted to borrow his computer. I received a note from Deepa asking me to blog about my travels. I took this as a clear sign. Time to catch up and share my excitement with you. No promises as to when more will arrive.

I am reading "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan. His words advise: "Eat food. Mostly plants. Not too much." This becomes my 14 day mantra. Only food. No chemicals. No food-like substances. Nothing my great grandmother would not recognize as food. No foods that make health claims. And I flail. I flounder. I speak directly to my soul: No processed sugar while I am in Australia. I fail only once when I forget while eating a piece of chocolate. Much easier than I thought with a Farmer's Market so close. I think everyone should read this book. I have brought FOOD INC the movie and I hope to watch it soon. An evolution in my diet. Transformation. Off with the belly. My lifelong struggle. I am blatantly unkind to my sugar addition without apology. I read with my highlighter. Then reread the highlights, usually sharing them with a friend so that I internalise the information.

Way Out

2010-08-15T05:17:00.003-05:00

I see no EXIT signs here in Australia. The signs say WAY OUT. This is significant. A trip where I discover the way out of my routine, my things, my everyday overthetop life of insane creativity. The way out of incorrect breathing. 8996 miles from my home as the crow flies. I am standing on the other side of the world. As the crow flies. Not that I could ever be a crow. If I was a bird I would be......well why don't you tell me, then I'll decide....

Sleeping and waking as I wish. Nap today. This part of vacation I treasure. Perhaps whatever bird I decide to be, I will be that bird while sleeping.

Sound Track

2010-08-15T05:04:00.002-05:00

The underscore of my journey is a set of instrumental tunes from Rhonda Larson who is my favorite flutist, Ian Clarke and the Celtic Women. I hear their music as I walk to yoga, as I walk through the Auckland airport in New Zealand, as I stumble in wide-eyed wonder through the Victorian Farmer's Market searching for gifts for my friends today. Their notes inspire me to live. My newest I-pod Nano, Green Baxter, now quite overworked.

The public transportation system here is amazing. On time. Quiet. Smooth. Complicated. Ability to navigate quickly. Such a well though out city.

Having been to London and Brighton three summers ago, I find this land sisterly. As if my USA and this Australia are two biological twin sisters adopted by different oceans, raised separately. My journey shows me their stories. Australia: younger, prettier, better-kept, but a bit more promiscuous. USA: richer, faster, bigger. While I adore here, probably more than I have adored a single place before, and I feel that I could easily live here.......life would be so easy here. Simple. Perfect. Still I don't feel the pull that I do when I stand in Southern California.

Southern California and Abba World

2010-08-15T03:58:00.004-05:00

My 12 short hours in California confirm again that one day I will live there. I feel alive when I visit. Grateful for my short layover with my dear friend. Lunch at Whole Foods on Santa Monica. Dinner at Hamburger Mary's where they play Dancing Queen 24/7 in the most snazzified bathroom of all time. Afternoon at the Getty outdoor art museum. Loved it. Needed it. Wanted to be there. Wished I had a 12 hour layover at LAX everytime I travel. Joy. Without her extreme and unconditinal friendship I may not even be alive today. Time with her is precious.

Little did I realise that while washing my hands in the Dancing Queen restroom, this was only a precursor to my travels to Australia, the land of Abba adoration. As I walk out of Flinder's street station, the well-organized public transportation station in Melbourne, I see Abba World, the museum devoted to Australia's beloved Abba. My time there is insane. I learn their history and stories. Participate with them in their creative process. Flabbergasted by their complete and utter devotion to the LOVE of making music. I am inspired. New songs fill my mind. I will ADORE every note I play on my flute for the rest of the year. I see the music in their faces and hear it in their music. This challenges me to create passionately. Perhaps my first Album will not be my last. I am tickled pink times twelve that my first recording has already earned $3.50 while I was in Sorrento in a stone pavillion that overlooks the ocean on the right and the bay on the left. Beauty rises. I know how the Pheonix flys. Come fly with me, the dusty chalk on the tram board proclaims to me.

Nose Hair and Pure Morning

2010-08-15T03:45:00.003-05:00

My travels began abruptly with a small incident. I enter the plane in DFW in anticipation of my 12 hour layover visiting my beautiful friend Dr. Saint Sally Louise Joy Mauldin of West Hollywood, California. The plane is much hotter than the walkway to the plane, so when I get inside I walk to the back to pee. I see myself in the large mirror in the tiny bathroom and realise that I have gargantious clumps of nose air sprouting out of my right nostril. With no other choice, as I simply could not endure this in LA, I yank them out. This causes a chair reaction from 6 huge sneezes then my legs buckling with too much oxygen right before I fall to the side of the small restroom wall. Moments later I am asleep in my seat, as I will be for 12 of my 17 hours of flight. My mother has somehow genetically given to me the ability to sleep anywhere anytime. I am most grateful. I am her son as I sleep.

As I fly across the Pacific, I am in awe of Quantas airlines lovely hospitality. They did everything possible to make the trip as comfortable as possible. By far the best airline I have ever flown. No passenger next to me for the 11 hour flight to New Zealand so I develop a beautiful was to sleep with one leg on the seat and one on the floor. For a few moments I wake to see night through the window in front of me and daybreak through the window behind. My camera phone could not capture the color. It was beyond intese. I saw pure "morning." My eyes lept from my body in delight. I drink wine two times on this flight. The tiny wine glasses were just to adorable to pass up this experience.

Australia

2010-08-15T03:17:00.003-05:00

Paradise. Beauty. Glorious. Heaven. And just so you understand the severity of this wonderland where I am visiting for 14 days.....I document my travels here in this moment, hesitating to write, as I don't want to miss any of the wonder while I focus on these tiny keys and back lighted screen. I continue, as some forms of wonder scream to be written. For me a land of yoga, dancing, running, pure air, pure food, and an indescribable conglomeration of plant life.

Staying in Prahran, a suburb of Melbourne on the southern coast of Australia. Winter now, a welcomed treat leaving my home's 106 degree weather. From this house I easily run to the sea or Arthur's Park where I run the circumference of a amoeba-shaped lake. The farmer's market where I have eaten four times is just around the corner and I fill my belly with fresh fruits and vegetables. The air is clean and pure. I feel the energy of our earth conspiring with the sea to provide air more pure than that which I have ever encountered.

Bikram Yoga Prahran is just one mile walk from my door. The studio is divine. I float through my first and third classes like a breeze. My second class taught in a German accent is so hot that all I can do after class is crawl to the door and recover on the cooler side. My yoga practice blossoms this week.

As if that was not enough, I just a few doors down from three dance clubs where I plan to spend my evenings dancing beneath glitterballs and colored laser lights. So enthralled by the sounds on my first night I dancing, I shazamed almost every song. Running music for the next year. The bouncers almost would not let me in. Thought I was drunk. Well I was, but only drunk on life. Alcohol not necessary.

There are botanical gardens everywhere. A 90 min walk yesterday through one of them. Glorious plants. Ponds. Black swans. All the swans are black here. Birds everywhere. Parks. Trails. All within walking distance. The need or want of owning a car here fades faintly. Why would I ever need to drive? Walk to everything I could dream of wanting. 14 days of refreshment.

The final stages of my CD are complete. I've officially let go. It's as if the entire universe conspired to keep me waiting for the release until I arrived in PRAHRAN. PRANA is released in PRAHRAN. Makes perfect sense now. I breathe. I receive an email that my first recording sales are from Southern California, the land I plan to one day call home. My heart leaps. I am blessed. Drinking from a saucer because my cup has overflowed.

Pictures soon. I promise.

Documentation

2010-08-07T19:08:00.002-05:00

There are some events in life that it would be wrong to not document: Last Sunday I moved, without researching moving companies. I just went with the least expensive one. They showed up without a moving truck, but they did have a large mobile BBQ Brisket/Chicken restaurant. We loaded everything I owned into this restaurant and drove it to my new residence. It drove slowly and methodically and quite successfully to my new studio and nothing smells like BBQ chicken now.

Laughing

2010-05-03T21:45:00.002-05:00

I recognized the laugh. I'd made that same laugh. Several times. Ok almost daily. The lady was wandering through the parking lot with her cart full of groceries. She was searching. Looking. Hoping she would remember where she parked her car. I loved her laugh because for a tiny moment this afternoon I was her.

Today begins my ten day mastercleanse. 9:32pm. This might kill me.

I'm Not Blogging

2010-03-09T23:11:00.002-06:00

I have way too much to do to be here blogging which is exactly why I am here. I have three more hours until my 2am bedtime, so I am going to knock out as much as possible.

I'm studying for my personal trainer exam that I will take on March 20th. Two more days until my Spring Break. I adore working with MyStream energy. I am now an energy provider. I love doing this. April 23rd studio flute recital. Grand finale with 45 flutes playing Canon in G. My first recording project is nearly complete. Three more tracks to create. Life is so beautiful that I I difficult choosing what to be excited about.

I was born in the year of the Rabbit.

I smell something funny. I am going to go look over the balcony and see if my neighbors are making popcorn. This will further postpone my todo list.

Char's Flowers

2010-02-12T20:04:00.001-06:00

I keep reacting to the flowers that Char gave me. They are in three rooms. I did realize that I have been given flowers before, but it's been years. This was really important this week.

Today I woke and went to check on them in the living room and I mentally gasped: The petals have fallen off. "Yes I am beautiful. Beauty is temporary. There is a time for everything." I wanted to fix them, heal them. I didn't want them to die. Not accustomed to the stages in the life of flowers. There are petals on my desk now. Impending death. Their color will leave.

It's not morbid. I am watching them die.

Love. Surrender. Fear. Intuition. Goblets of Desire. Infinity. Miss Muffet.

They are still red and tall tpday. I am off to the gym now to meet trainer.

Someone on facebook called me a stud puppy and I don't know what to do with that.

Year of the Rabbit

2010-02-12T19:50:00.002-06:00

Tonight it's more random than most:

I was born in the year of the rabbit.

This year continues to revolve around love and surrender and death. Surreal experiences tonight. Beyond my comprehension. I sum it up by proclaiming that life is beautiful and interesting.

Kelly's art now has a home on my office wall. I still may have to drive to to work with me sometimes. There were days that I literally could not be separated from the painting. A rainbow enveloping the entire earth, as seen from space.

I gave Tara the Year of the Rabbit quartet by Dorff tonight. Then noticed that we were sitting right next to two Chinese rabbit paintings. When we looked up our years we discovered mine was Rabbit. It was such a neat moment.

I'm living beyond words, but words still retain their importance in my thoughts.

We have been on snow days. Everything in my home is color coded and alphabatized now. My space is clean and organized.

I have communicated on many deep and important thoughts with my father today. This is precious and priceless. My brother is biking in south Florida. His son will arrive not many months from now. The web of life is beautiful to me.

I will post my thoughts on Char's flowers that she gave me in my next blog.

In addition to being a flute artist and theater director, I am now an energy provider and will complete my certification as a personal trainer over spring break. My wings are spreading. This is part of my defiance of gravity. Not fighting gravity, defying it.

I want to be photographed in yoga poses in zero gravity. I think this is possible at the Kennedy Space center.

I wish to travel for the beginning of Spring Break.

I spent most of my indoor snow time yesterday listening to recordings of thunder. The snow is lovely. It's icy. It's wet. In just one day our city now appears so different.

Surrender

2010-02-08T00:31:00.001-06:00

I climbed to the pinnacle of my existence, laughed softly at the beautiful pathway back down, spun left eleven times then grabbed a spiderweb-thin thread with the tips of my two pinkies then began my assent upwards to previously invisible heights. I am now living beyond my wildest imagination.

Last week I recorded on Friday. A piece Joy Mauldin entitled Surrender. I felt underwater, flowing with the ocean, as a dolphin, as a part of eternal waves, atoms even, particles flowing....our recording session wasn’t morbid, but it was about death. The dying of self. The renewal of life. Surrender to the currents of existence. I didn’t understand what I was playing. I felt only tingles of what the piece was about as I was recording.

Tonight I felt called to the gym. I never go to the gym on Sunday night. I train with trainer on Mondays. It didn’t make sense. I went to the second floor tread-flow climber, where there isn’t pressure on your heels, and I began to edit Surrender. As I listened to the piece eight times, I saw the visual images and subtitles to the Titanic movie shown across the screen. I was beyond moved. I was in tears as I cardioed.

Love is my 2010 word. Surrender to the water. A love that would make Kate jump off the life boat. A love that exists beyond death. A love that is so incredibly meaningful that is rattles your very existence. My music was this surrender. My music was this love. My music shook my own soul as I watched the images on the television. My soul supernovaed. My heart felt every possible emotion in the human spectrum of emotions. I was bouncing on the highest level of the machine and it could not keep up with me.

I struggle tonight as I type tonight to find words that come close to the spiritual experience I had. Dear earth, I don’t care if you think I am insane. I don’t care if you think I am anything. Tonight was the top of the top for me, except that my top keeps getting higher.

There is more that will appear in my next blog. It will arrive tonight also. I must pause to feel more now.

Frequency

2010-02-06T14:05:00.004-06:00

Char gave me flowers yesterday. I've been dancing around my place with them in my mouth. Yoga was beautiful. Editing music today. Loving life. My first computer lesson yesterday. I begin creating more today.

Powerful thinking. Effortless energy.

Artist

2010-01-29T09:12:00.002-06:00

I record again today. Walking into studio with nothing, I mean everything written in my heart, and it will spill this afternoon. I can feel it. The way of an artist. I choose to be artist. I am artist. I have thingamagiggies inside me. They zoom and dance around all week and on resting or recording days I open my lungs and breathe and they expel out. Blaaaaaah. Bluuuuump. Switget. Bam. Voosh. Tonto. Hershecomes. A little tiny silver note that I will love and I will name one day and that will one day travel the globe telling stuffs.

I am feeling it today. Thursday I teach 11 hours so that I can have Friday completely off. It's never worth it on Thursday. It's always worth it on Friday. Not that I don't love teaching cause I love both. But that. But. But. But. It's just so nice to have time to create and rest. And YOGA. My body needs yoga today. I want to stretch and stretch and stretch.

Maya

2010-01-08T00:09:00.002-06:00

Maya \Ma"ya\ (m[aum]"y[aum]), n.

1. (Hindu Philos.) The name (in Vedantic philosphy) for the doctrine of the unreality of matter, called, in English, idealism; hence, nothingness; vanity; illusion. [1913 Webster]

2. (Hindu Philos.) the Hindu goddess personifying the power that creates phenomena. --[RHUD] [PJC]

3. (Hindu Philos.) the power to produce illusions. --[RHUD] [PJC]

Maya arrived this afternoon, after awakening this morning with a deep need to search/find my sheet music to Maya by Ian Clarke. I never found the sheet music. Time began to spin faster and faster, and what took three years before, took only three hours today. I am evolving faster and faster. I know exactly what I want. It feels beyond amazing to have it.

Maya and I will sculpt air into sound as long as I have breath. Prana. I felt almost a surge of energy spiral through my body as I first began. Goodbye to my beloved Ember of fourteen months. I grew so much with you. I truly loved you, the real love that only an artist and his tool are allowed to share. This afternoon t'was just time, and the change in current was unpreventable. How dramatical this feels as I look back. How spectacular I now feel afterward.

Maya. Illusion. Goddess of seeing the physical world as an illusion. The illusion of physical reality or superimposition of finite perception on the infinite reality. Taking concept of the heavens and spilling down into physical elements.

Maya. Maya. Maya. Prana with Maya. It's so far out there that I get it. Tonight the whole universe, I get it.

Maya.

Breathing

2010-01-03T15:48:00.001-06:00

Beautiful winter day
Off to yoga class next
BURP

LOVE

2010-01-02T12:54:00.003-06:00

My resolution word for 2010 is love. I wish for more love in my life. Not necessarily the romantic version of love, but I'm open to that as well. All kinds of love. The kind of life where I radiate love as I drive to work, radiate love in my work, in my whole life. I feel ready for this challenge. It's the biggest word I've set my focus on yet. I know that I am capable of loving the entire universe. I wish for my love to grow as big as possible. I can feel the beginnings of this today.

The Cosmic Cheerleader

2009-12-31T14:35:00.003-06:00

My fingers bounce on the springy keys for a moment a spin motions words. So much of my life this year has been experienced beyond these words. For a moment I dive deep into my soul and search and bounce. Bouncing fingers. Up and down, with a little pause here and a long pause here. I participate in creation, knowing that every word I type is incredibly significant and utterly meaningless. Instead of fighting gravity this year, I defied gravity. My resolution word was ALIVE. Just like last year with BALANCE, I sense that I have attained this. I feel alive. Unexplainable alive. And I didn't even understand what alive meant last year when I made the resolution. My word for next year is almost decided. I will share soon. It can not be chosen a moment before midnight.

This was a year of new activities for me. In August I resolved to do one activity per month that I had never done before. While my first event is completely unmentionable here, the others included: 6.3 mile military mud-filled obstacle course, sewing my own underwear, teaching clarinet, watching a live hockey game, manicure, and last night attending my very first rock alone (Trans Siberian Orchestra). Next year I hope to include dumpster diving, gymnastics and releasing my first solo flute CD. I have become addicted to doing things I have never done before.

The Trans Siberian Orchestra. The music was so intense, perfect and incredible that I could not even stand to watch the whole concert. I felt a huge gap inside me. I drove straight home and began practicing. (Thank Oprah I don't have neighbors at the moment, because my flute is in the shop so it was piccolo night at Erich's.) I've never felt so challenged at a concert before. Their live music changed me. I must rise to a higher new level. The artist within. I am artistically evolving.

My recording project. Decided today it will be called PRANA. I've recorded four tracks as of today. Mixing and editing and mastering now. I will record several more in the coming months. It is life force music. My own music. Audible energy, breath. I feel as if the music is pouring out of my very existence. The is my favorite kind of music. Sound that I feel. No pride. No humility. This is just me.

This year I traveled to Chicago to spend time with my dear friend from high school Yvonne. I traveled to San Diego to visit Marion, Mark and Raef. I traveled to New York City for our annual flute convention where I fell in love with Central Park In fact I spent most of my time at Central Park. Thanksgiving in West Hollywood with Joy. Then to Winter Beach to see my family for the holidays. My niece is two and she is beautiful. I was grateful to have my dear friend Deepa join me for Christmas. Five trips is a perfect number. Next year I am hoping to visit Australia. I wish to go as many places as possible. My desire to travel is intense.

Of all the places I have visited in my short life, I love southern California the most. If I could figure out how to move there, I would leave tonight. I don't think it is time for me to go there yet.

Tonight I pause to clean. http://www.betterme.org/cleansweep. Cleaning my life. Getting a hold on what I want. Knowing I will arrive. Many new projects this year. I'm loving that tonight is a New Year's Blue Moon which only happens every 17 years. In the past in a few areas of my life, I've grown accustomed to not getting what I want. I've settled. Not for 2010. This is me, peaceful as the water, grounded in the earth, flying through the air, while a FIRE ignites through my being. I go forward into this new year with intention.

2009 was the best year of my life. I can't imagine how life could be more perfect next year, but I believe that it will be. "Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game......"

Just like the queen, I usually believe six impossible things before breakfast everyday. More from E soon...

Running

2009-12-07T12:04:00.001-06:00

Poor poor running of Erich. It's just too cold to run and he can't bring himself to go outside. 37 degrees at the moment.

Hoarders

2009-11-29T17:16:00.002-06:00

I'd always wondered what in a tv could make my father yell at the screen during football games when I was a child. This week I found out. While on Thanksgiving break I stayed with Joy in West Hollywood. We watched several episodes of Hoarders. There are three million people alive today who are hoarders. They keep buying and collecting junk until it fills their entire house. Sometimes flea markets, yard sales or plain stores. They are unable to part with their stuff. In extreme cases there were dead cats under the piles of hoarding, but mostly just houses filled with old Slurpee cups, clothes or building materials. A counselor tries to help the person, their family sits around crying and telling stories about how this hurts them.

I can not understand this. Everything about me is the opposite of hoarding. I toss everything that I feel like I may not use again. It was emotionally painful to watch this people choose their stuff/garbage over their families. Children were taken away from mothers. Divorces. Evictions. I was sitting there for the first time in my life yelling at the television.

I'm not sure why seeing this program has impacted me this much. Perhaps because I don't even have a tv signal at home so I rarely watch it. Perhaps this is something I need to think about. Why do these people bother me so much?

Thinking Out Loud

2009-11-29T16:58:00.003-06:00

Again, this one is more for me, thinking on paper. Might not be understandable outside of my own mind. Unedited.

What is moral?
Thought patterns.
Can't get away from myself.
Do good. Think good. Be good.
Eye contact. Mirrors. Focus vs. distraction.
Addiction to fixing things.
Perhaps my way is the best way for just me, and others know their own way.
Don't master their art, master my own art.

WHAT DO I WANT?

"sawu bona" I see you.
"sikhona" I am here.
We want to be seen.
Perhaps it's not all about me, but about what I can give or create for others.
Connection = energy exchange
Giver or Taker?
There is an energetic footprint on all people we meet.
Love vs. Fear
LOVE will be my 2010 Word of the year.

Our thoughts are quite powerful. I am aware. I am challenged to learn. I am a spiritual being. I have the ability to get out of the drama. IE pain. Nothing is bad in itself, it could just be there to get us to the next level even when we perceive it as bad.

Divinity. Magic. Whatever it is, just feel it, experience it. Don't ignore it. Mindful intention in spoken words, deeds and thoughts.

"Decide and develop a laser-like focus on who I am and what I want and how to make it happen. How will my soul move forward?"

SLOW DEEP BREATHING.

Listen intently with my whole body, existence.
What am I attracting in life?
Am I aware of my listener's interest and time table?
Negative thoughts cause disease. Perhaps this is why I have almost never been physically ill in my life. I just don't have many negative thoughts.

Everything seen has roots in the unseen. "To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."

"When she bathed him she noted every texture and mark on his skin."

What field trip am I on now in my mind? Why can I not choose to be here where I am?

Air Quality

2009-11-17T23:34:00.002-06:00

I've been cleaning. Tossing. Throwing. Purging. Giving away bags of my possessions that I no longer want or need. Tonight I found a little space heater that I once kept in my car way back when I taught at a school where I could not control the temperature of my room. I tried it out to make sure that it worked tonight, and the quality of the air that came out almost made me nauseous. I'd never noticed it before having used it for several years. Wow. It's now going in the give away pile. I wonder if anyone else has ever encountered this with space heaters? Mortifying air quality.

My de-possessioning continues. Full speed ahead.

Earth and Water

2009-11-08T10:34:00.002-06:00

The perfect combination of earth and water: Mud. Yesterday I participated on a five man team for the DFW Mud Run. 6.3 miles of military obstacle course. Over fences. Under floating logs, sliding down into pools of mud. I'd not thought much about mud before yesterday. When seeing it coming toward me in the race I'd fight my urge to avoid it. Then at one point I just gave up and completely dove into pools of it headfirst. I to say the very least had a blast. The hardest part was climbing the ropes and walls as I do have a fear of heights and there wasn't any padding to catch me if I had fallen. It's a great feeling to run a few miles with your entire body caked in drying mud.

I plan to do this again in April. Next time I will bring a change of clothes for afterward. I can't believe I didn't think through that. Had to drive home in my underwear. Parts of my body now hurt that I didn't ever know I had. I did obstacles that I never thought I would have been able to do!

For a moment I knew how a little piggy felt about rolling around in the mud. It felt great.

This is It

2009-11-02T23:44:00.002-06:00

There is way too much to write. Best news is that tonight was the beginning of my first CD. Well the beginning of the starting it. I'm elated and so looking forward to this act of creation. I am starbursting again.

Here is one picture of me this Halloween as the Green Lantern with my friend Courtney. I had a blast. Hope that a picture is worth 1,000 words cause this is all I have.

Karen Adrian

2009-10-22T22:30:00.000-05:00

My beloved flute teacher of eleven years who I will eternally adore
***
Kindness overflowing
Advice, given so perfectly for so many
Ripples in a pond of sound
Effortless beautiful tone colors
Never stop learning

Accuracy and precision
Dream big big
Rooted in wisdom, tree-like
Inner Game of Tennis and Music
Angelic melodies dancing through clear sunlight skies
New, fresh, creative flute sounds
***

Ms. A
You taught me through your words and your silence
My music is real because of you
Each time I now play or speak a word in a flute lesson
I will remember your time
Spent so freely and wisely with me
The flute teacher of a flute teacher of a flute teacher of a….
Quite a high place of honor

Yes, I’ll keep my fingers close to the keys now
With my head balanced on my shoulders in perfect posture
Playing the right notes
At the right time
In tune
With dynamics
And articulations
And perfectly shaped phrases
Listening to recordings and live music to be inspired
And staying with my accompanist

No word or sound in our human language could begin to describe
The amount of gratefulness that I feel
Each time I think of
My flute teacher
Karen Adrian

Karen Adrian(1944-2009), founding member of our Texas Flute Society, passed away on Saturday, Oct. 17. Her life and her music touched many people. Karen received her bachelor and master of music degrees from Indiana University, graduating with highest honors and was honored to receive the prestigious Performers Certificate. She held positions with the Dallas Symphony Orchestra, the Toledo Symphony Orchestra, the Chamber Players of Washington, D.C., and the Colorado Philharmonic. She recently retired from the FWSO where she was the assistant principal flute and principal piccolo. Karen was also an adjunct professor of flute at Texas Christian University. She loved performing with Casa Manana musicals. She was the proud recipient of the American Airlines Distinguished Musician Award.
In lieu of flowers, contributions can be sent in her memory to the National Parks Conservation Association, 1300 19th St., NW, Suite 300, Washington, D.C. 20036. If you wish to celebrate her life in another way or express your thoughts to her family, you may contact them at KarenAdrianMemorial@gmail.com or by visiting her Legacy memorial website: www.legacy.com/obituaries/dfw/obituary.aspx?n=karen-d-adrian&pid=134630135.

Survivors: Beloved partner and friend, John Tinsley of Fort Worth; daughter, Sheryl Salch and husband, John, of Houston; brother, James W. Miller of Greenfield, Ind.; sister, Marla Butcher and husband, Don, of York, Pa.; two nieces; and two nephews.

Peaceful Warrior Notes to Self

2009-10-18T14:23:00.008-05:00

These thoughts are mostly for me. You may peek in if you wish.

My music is my sanctuary, where I find excitement, challenge and satisfaction. When I began studying flute with Mrs. Gudeman in high school I noticed that her eyes were like none I'd seen before. Twinkle, a reflection of the sun. On my best days of playing, I live inside my sound.

Life is our only real teacher. If experience alone was enough, then all old people would be happy, enlightened masters. They are not. We can learn from life experiences to learn to see the world clearly. I need this. This is difficult.

Everything we ever need to know is inside ourselves. Creating life spontaneously. Act, not react. Clean my body of all tension. Take responsibility for my own life. It's not anyone's fault. "We all make our own sandwiches."

So much of the world, ok, my world is not describable by words. We always my find our own path's. Nobody can tell another how to live. "Quiet mind." We have an astounding capacity to fool ourselves. Eat fresh vegetables and fruits. Do it. Learning how to truly enjoy life and be free from suffering.

No complaining period. Just fixing. Getting rid of attachments and false agreements. Stop seeing the world from the viewpoint of my own personal cravings. It is good to copy the positive traits of various animals. (I am ahead of the game here as I have been doing this my entire life: cat, otter...) Never a wasted thought or movement.

Understanding where my thoughts come from. Living beyond my thoughts. Meditation. Yoga. Leap of awareness. The soul of the universe.

(I particularly reacted to the part of the book where Socrates explains that the teacher when training the student literally had to put a part of his own soul in the student. I am positive that this is what happened with Mrs. G, Mrs. S and me. So it makes my responsibility as a teacher that much greater. A teacher needs to be fascinating in order for their student to want to learn, grow.)

Chew your food before you swallow it. Eat slowly. We fear death and crave survival.
Except I don't fear death.

Let go.

At a certain point, it's up to the individual to evolve. Nobody can do this for you. The will of a person. Accept your emotions, feel them then let them go.

Each of us has natural qualities that we are good at, drawn to. I have these. There is discipline involved in getting to the next level.

Control of my food. My thoughts. Actions.

Breathing is so important.

Any unconscious ritual is a problem. No addictions. (CHIPOTLE) Are all my actions conscious, intention and complete? A warrior is as a warrior does.

Wait until I have insight worth sharing. Every moment is quality time worthy of my full attention. Muscles/massage. p141. fascinating thoughts

Satori occurs when attention lies in the present moment. Nonresistance. When you are pushed pull, pulled push. Join nature's power. Releasing the attachment to outcomes. The warrior is here and now in the present.

The earth isn't solid.

All goes back to love. Unreasonably happy. I'm already on the way.

Rock

2009-10-12T21:16:00.001-05:00

Just to clarify. By rock I mean: this includes Lady Gaga music, my flute, my underwear and my rocking chair. This is the only true way Erich rocks.

Who is the Fairest of Them All?

2009-10-12T21:07:00.004-05:00

Matching journals for Char and I today. I will rock in my new rocking chair tonight. And I bought a bed and a mirror. Enormous mirror. More magical than Snow White's. I will be asking it lots of questions on Saturday when it arrives. Lots of questions.

"In a genuine relationship there is an outward flow of open alert attention towards the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever."

I am neither inferior or superior to anyone on this earth. We are all in this together. For real.

Energy can never be created or destroyed, but it can change forms.

Thank God for Christopher Columbus. A day off. Monday off. How perfect. I found the Katy trail, Highland Park and ran through Turtle Creek. Lunch at my favorite of all favorite fooderies Eatsies. Delicious.

Hark, my rockign chair awaits.

West Elm

2009-10-11T14:48:00.002-05:00

Monday is West Elm day. I will be going there to get a bed, nightstand and rocking chair. I am excited.

Fear

2009-10-11T14:46:00.002-05:00

I am afraid every time I write on the white board in my classroom. I double and triple check the marker to make sure it is dry erase. I fear that I will accidently grab a sharpie and ruin the whole board. Does this make me crazy?

Multi and Non Functionals

2009-10-07T09:52:00.002-05:00

The transition from dreaming to waking up was shaky this morning. My alarm clock was supposed to go off at 9:30, but since it is also my phone it rang at 9:09. Thinking it was my alarm clock turned it off, but apparently accidentally answered it in the process. My colleague began talking about band placements for students....in that moment it was challenging to figure out where I was, who I was and why my alarm clock was talking to me. I dreamt of my high school friends on vacation with me in Dallas or New York, we could not tell which city we were at in the dream. Two different worlds, my dreams and my reality. Maybe I do rely on my iPhone too much?

Time to go to training. My mile is still at 7:02 record, but my latest time was 7:08. I wonder how fast I will run today. Preparing my ears for a whole lot of flute teaching this afternoon and tonight.

Good morning world. Here I am.

Arms of the Angels

2009-10-06T22:13:00.002-05:00

On days like today I don't know how I'd live without a journal. For real.

This morning on the way to way I listened to a story about a mother who survived breast cancer. She told of the day in her journey where her husband and children all shaved off their heads to match her in baldness. I've heard of this type of love before, and even heard of students doing this for each other to show support for their friends. This morning it touched me beyond belief. It was an emotional drive to work.

This evening my friend Don posted a video on facebook of a lady who brings her dying dog into nursing homes to patients who are about to die. Makes every tiny tribulation in my own life seem quite insignificant.

I broke my diet today and ate processed sugar. I can feel it in my body, and I don't like how it feels. I am learning not to do this. It's effects inside me are nearly Satanic after being free from it for so long. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hot yoga is hot for a reason. If it is ever cold again, then I will not do that class. My body is still in pain from trying to do the noon class while their heater was broken.

I adore my new batman boxers. I can't stop wearing them. Sometimes I get obsessive about my clothes. We can talk about my favorite blue jeans soon....Drove by to see the two condos I might be today. Nope. No way. Not living there. Looks like a prison!

Thank goodness that despite all of the ups and downs of today that I was able to spend my day doing my lifework which still feels incredibly important to me.

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-10-05T12:02:00.003-05:00

I watched the movie last night. I've read the book tens of times. I think this should be required reading/watching for every single adult on earth.

Purple

2009-10-04T22:53:00.002-05:00

The purple rug worked.

I'm actually lonely tonight. Not ignoring it. Just feeling it. Feeling so much.

Many big decisions coming soon. Must prepare my mind.

Quite an interesting girl this afternoon that I met. We're already so connected to each other through so many people. I'm excited about a new friend, a new yoga/music friend.

I have figured out that yes I NEED a rocking chair for sure and I will get one.

Eagle Mountain Storm rehearsed tonight at my studio. Oh my it was fun. I adore so many people nowadays.

Purple

2009-10-04T00:23:00.003-05:00

I add to my studio a large purple channel throw rug from Urban Outfitters. Purple is the chakra color of creativity. I am excited to see how this will influence sounds, students and myself tomorrow at lessons, or if it will at all.

I now own 13 books that I have started reading or want to read. This is a record for me.

I found the exact furniture that I wish to buy from West Elm. I photographed it so that I will remember. I will be getting a three-corner bed and nightstand. I now must decide if I will also order the matching rocking chair and/or floor length mirror. Just feeling in my heart that I NEED a rocking chair for my bedroom. I know that I don't. But the creative side of me feels like it is a valid need. I am proud of me for waiting to make this choice. It is wiser to send the complete order together, rather than adding on later.

I greatly struggle in my decision to buy a house soon. Wisdom don't fail me now.

Divinity

2009-10-01T21:35:00.002-05:00

Tonight I walked into my apartment after a full day of teaching and was shocked by how warm it was. I spent a few mins looking around my place to see where the heat was coming from. I then realised that I was wearing my jacket, so I took it off, then I wasn't hot anymore. Evolution of the mind.

I tried to run today, but my body would not run. Not sick. Just would not go. This is my first experience with growing old. 33. I'm going to tour some retirement communities this weekend just to be safe.

When I play my flute in the art room next to the gong the overtone series causes the gong to lightly resonate. I love this and I am not sure what to do with it.

I've fastening my seat belt, tomorrow I unleash gallons of creativity. Superstar. (sniff, sniff) MKG.

Recording Artist and Fashion Designer and Grinched

2009-09-26T02:49:00.002-05:00

Creativity overload today. Don't even know where to begin. Need sleep desperately, but these words must be written tonight. I feel like the next phase of my life just started. I am ALIVE.

I am now a recording artist. OMG. I'm so excited. I went to Bill's studio to discuss recording. (We have taught together in summer theater for eight years.) At 5 pm I walked into the recording room with headphones and a key signature. We played for four mins. Almost four mins. Keyboards and Guitar and Flute. Little bit of mixing. Volia. I now have a CD of it. I am mesmerized. I had no idea that I was capable of this level of creativity. No music. No planning. Just listening and playing. "Blowing my soul wide open." I have so many ideas tonight for pieces to record. This new level of existence feels so peaceful, so right.

On my date tonight, a third date.....decided to do crafts. My first crafting date. I freaking designed a pair of underwear and created them. The second time in my life that I've ever done anything of the sort, and the first was in 4th grade. Just a wild and crazy idea to do something different.... Even though they don't fit, it's fine. I saw something that I wanted to do. I figured out how to do it, and did it. Made for a very very fun date. I'll post a picture as soon as I can. Even has an elastic band. Here's to life!!!!!!

I am creating. I am creative. On many levels. I am learning how to develop this gift. My soul is stretching, just like my body does in yoga.

On a lighter note, just want ever one to know that this morning my trainer harnessed me with the resistance band and made me pull him up a hill. Just like the little dog in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas cartoon. Four times. Uphill. Got to be pretty fun in the end, but you should have seen my facial expression when I first heard that I would be doing it. T'wasn't smiling.

I've listened to my 1 track CD about 20 times today and I'm in love with the sound. Can't believe it's me. Sleep

Spoken By Me

2009-09-23T23:04:00.002-05:00

Transparaphrased from a lesson I taught tonight at my studio:

"Just play your flute. Let go of any judgements you have. Good sound? Horrible sound? Who cares if it is a wrong not. Just play. Create sound. Push air through your flute. Put everything you have into your music. Let go of any fears you hold. You are the artist. You must use your flute to create music. That is your only job tonight. Blow your soul wide open. Let it all go. Every last drop of energy you have into your creation. Not later after you practice. Not how it sounded yesterday. Right now. Do it. Live inside your sound in this moment."

Only after the lesson was over did I understand that I was actually speaking to myself.

In my 3-10:30pm marathon of flute lessons this afternoon I carefully listened with my entire being, wholeheartedly inspired students and taught the best melodies, harmonies and rhythms that I know. This day was successful. Tomorrow awaits.

Spin Cycle

2009-09-23T10:07:00.002-05:00

Wooooo Hooooo Hoooooey! The spin cycle on my washing machine! When the clothes come out I can almost just hang them up in my closet. Barely even need a dryer. Now that's power!

Inner World

2009-09-23T00:14:00.002-05:00

While I was studying the life coach training manuel tonight I can across a new idea: Inner World. I've thought of this many times in my life, but never had the perfect combination of words to describe it. In order to help my future client's inner world....but in the middle of that sentance. I've noticed I have one too. You read a small percentage of it in this blog, but I experience it completely. This is were I am inside my thoughts all the time. My inner world. It's extensive. Creative. Beautiful. Lonely sometimes? Daring. Its where my innermost thoughts are born and live and die. Inner world. What a nice way to describe it.

22 Years

2009-09-22T20:52:00.002-05:00

22 years of artistry. I began playing music 22 years ago. I began my journal 22 years ago. This feels odd to me. It certainly does not feel like 22 years. Time is flying by, and as I struggle to remain in the moment, I pause that seemingly impossible dream to remember:

It's relationships with others that give me the most joy in life. I intensely celebrate all of the people who have crossed my path. As a 12 year old, I began a list titled "walk on water" list. The people in my life who I felt were special enough to walk on water. People who I saw a glimpse of God through. As I routinely think back through my ever growing past, it just now occurred to me that this isn't a normal thing for a 12 year old boy to write. I wonder why I did and even why I still think of this? Well, the list has grown now long enough that I'd never be able to fit it on a piece of paper. I honestly feel that I have been given the privilege to meet the very best people on the planet. Friends, students, professional colleagues, even my students. People who I adore being around. I delight in their greatness, their energy, their passions and that excited me beyond belief.

Perhaps this is why I so appreciate the social networking of Facebook. There really isn't a single person on the globe now that I want to keep in touch with that I don't. Yes it takes time and energy, but these ties are so important to me. Facebook just makes it easier. I mean there are people on my page from elementary school, yoga, college, trips I've taken around the country. I like seeing what pictures they upload, what places they have been, seeing a tiny little window into their present day life. It's so easy. Yet even before Facebook I'd always had the extreme desire to stay connected. Hey I'm still friends with Carolyn with a C, that what I call her, and we met at youth rally in 10th grade while standing in a hot dog line. (Don't worry I don't eat hot dogs anymore. I know they are not really food.) Only have met up with her three to four times in all these years, but when we talk we can pick up right where we left off. I freaking love this about the people who are in my life. I beam knowing that I have so many friends, now living in so many places. It makes the world seem even smaller.

As I continue to study my life coach training manual, I have learned that all of my time is quality time. I think back to the Love Language book I read in college. Quality time. Every moment. In rest. In fun. In work. In life. In everything. Even my alone time is quality time with myself.

Today I trained young musicians in how to be an artist. My soul delights in this. I begin new projects this week. Writing. Composing. Recording. What an exciting time to be alive. I wonder what new fantastical people I will meet next. Will I ever make it back down to a regular existence? How long can I live up here in the atmosphere?

Percentages

2009-09-21T11:35:00.002-05:00

Well, while I was quite unhappy with my one month fitness weigh-in this morning....I am quite pleased that I dropped 4% body fat this month. So from 18% t 14% body fat. Gained muscles in my legs, arms stayed the same, and best of all lost 2 inches on my waist 1 1/2 inches on my hips. This is inspiring enough to keep going.

I think I've completely gotten control of eating the right foods which has been a battle long in the running, but now I just need to focus on eating a little bit less. Ok or a medium amount less. This makes sense to me.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

Above and Below Average

2009-09-20T22:53:00.002-05:00

(yes the blue line is still on my screen and I am dealing)

I'm amazed tonight at my abilities and inabilities. There are just some things in life where I am so completely amazing. Excelling. Superstaring. Beaming. I see others around me and I'm so far above and beyond them that I can barely stand it. I feel almost superhuman. And in other areas of my life, I am completely incompetent. Can I say subhuman? More like a monkey level of existence. It doesn't seem to make sense to me. I've never been one to be average at anything. I'm either perfect or flailing. I living see saw. I am thinking of these things tonight in relation to my work, my family, my friends, my whole life. I wish to understand myself more. Even when I am at the depths of incompetence in a specific area of my life (for example, driving places where I don't know where I am going), I seem to not be able to overcome it. (Thank God for my iPhone where I am never lost anymore.)

Why am I so good at some parts of life and so bad at others? Why can't I seem to change this about myself even when I want? Or can I and I just don't know how? I wish to continue to evolve: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Struggle. Yawn. Fight it. Feel it. Grow more. Why in the areas that I am amazing at do I continue to become even more amazing, and when I fail it just spirals downward.

This week I pledge to myself to understand myself better. I echo my news year's word to be more ALIVE than ever this week. I've been doing good living in the moment this month. I will choose to continue to live there. My thoughts are many tonight, and these are only a few of them. I must go play music now. This week I will pull things together and figure more out. Tonight I clearly don't have all the answers I want.

Summer Production

2009-09-12T23:03:00.002-05:00

So this summer we performed Sherahazad, a children's musical. This was the week that I taught morning art/set design and afternoon theater componets. Long story, but for my first time ever teaching art I don't think it turned out all that bad. Mentally exhausting teaching subjects that one knows nothing about though.

I'm supposed to be watching the movies I just rented from blockbuster tonight, so I better go get on that now.

Picture Time

2009-09-12T22:41:00.003-05:00

Three pictures for you in this blog. My new life coach training manuel, then me in my new favorite pajamas that I bought yesterday which i just can not stop wearing, then me at Comicon this summer in San Diego wearing my favorite Green Lantern shirt!

Blue and Bleeding

2009-09-09T11:48:00.002-05:00

There is now a vertical blue line running the height of my computer screen on the left hand side. I wonder how long I will be able to look at it before buying a new computer.

I trained this morning with trainer even though my body didn't want to train. My slowest mile yet. I could feel myself not going fast. My mile time so far are: 7:48, 7:40, 7:19, 7:48, then today a whopping 8:23. Boo. At least I rocked yesterday at yoga.

I could not locate my gloves before training so I went without them. I'm so protective of my hands because of my music. They are quite sore and red now, even bleeding, just not externally. I do not want to train without them again. I was on the way to the store to buy more when I found my gloves under my workout bag. I will have them for next time.

I'm in the middle of reading five books. That is so unlike me to be that scattered. I finished one last night, and hope to finish another today before flute lessons. I love to read as much as I love to write. Words are magical to me.

A New Day

2009-09-09T09:55:00.002-05:00

This year has been the most fascinating in my life because I seems to be able now to modify my thought and behavior patterns. And because I am paying attention to the world around me finally. And because I've been having prophetic/psychic dreams. Many of these come true almost instantly upon my waking.

I need to learn more about sleeping.

My painting is the mail. On the way. I am tracking it's journey toward me.

Behold God is Great.

The changing of thought/behavior patterns. This is big for me. I wonder why it took so many years for me to be able to do this, I mean on such a grand scale.

The ability to only eat what I choose to eat. That's huge for me.

My Lately Thoughts

2009-09-09T00:26:00.003-05:00

If you don't feed it, it will go away.

True joy comes from within. Pleasure (of many kinds) comes from relationships with others, or at the very least from outside yourself.

Thinking too much is a stage that hopefully will pass.

It is freaking difficult to stay present in thought. I'm always in the future or past. I must carefully work on this. Even when I am aware of this, it's still the case. Once in yoga class I was able to be present for 90 mins. And I superstarred that night.

The more focused on time people are, the more of life we miss.

Being present. In the now. That takes away past pain and future anxiety. Complaining is the most childish waste of time on the planet. It's so unattractive to me and I don't want to participate in it any longer.

It's so easy now for me to see people messing up/wasting their lives, or running in little circles of meaninglessness. It's almost impossible to intervene. Everyone figures things out in their own time. I'm only supposed to do the things I am supposed to do with the people I am supposed to know. This "supposed to" feeling or inner knowledge comes from really paying attention to myself and to the physical world around me.

I continue to be fascinated by every moment of every day. I'm quite surprized that I've even found the time to write these words tonight.

Off to green couch. Goodnight fearless readers.......

Silver Shoes

2009-09-07T23:54:00.005-05:00

her blue dragonfly dances
in the twindy stone-covered labyrinth of
endless
endless
endless nature

with her brand-new silver shoes
her soul trembles
she climbs the stairway of awakening

dearest char of all chars
smiling like the star of all stars

heal
hope
hear
hand over your moon

little deer fear is far away
there are no more fences
relentlessly shine forwards and backwards
your reddish yellow light spins in wonder

savastna now until the day approaches
when you will soar far beyond your endless beautiful dreams

My Earth

2009-09-07T19:16:00.000-05:00

Rainbows

2009-09-07T19:01:00.003-05:00

A day to rest and just be me. Running. Training. Resting. Shopping with Char. Little bit of paperwork for lessons. One new shirt that says, "Music is in My Soul." I'm ready to teach tomorrow. Ready to motivate, inspire and create sound. Noon yoga tomorrow. Ronda is joining me. About to make my second trip to the hot tub today.

I am calm and peaceful tonight. Evolving on so many levels.

Thinking about sleep lately. The whys of sleep. I've always been exceptional at it. Able to even sleep on command.

Today I wondered why I have a prescription plan on my health benefits when I don't ever even eat chemicals or medicine. I suppose I would eat them if I was told that it would save my life. I think one of the reasons why I am never sick is because I don't eat these type of things. All of this is causing me to wonder.

I've purchased my first art. KellyKorsman. The younger sister of my second flute student ever many moons ago. I adore her. I love her. I've always wanted to have her work in my studio. So creationish. So lovely. I'm so connected to her even though I rarely see her. Never before have I experienced such an emotional attachment to art. I literally had to own this when I saw her create it. She normally takes months to decide who she will sell her work to, sometimes even selling to a person who can only give her a dollar because she felt that it should go to them. She decided instantly that I could have it. I'm so honored. I'm so excited as I wait for it to arrive. I'll try to post the video of her creating.

Fascinating to me that I needed this so intensely.

28 Day Warm Up

2009-09-06T14:20:00.001-05:00

I'm working through Paul Edmund-Davie's 28 Day Warm-Ups for flute. It's pretty fantastic. Perfect for what I need right now in my flutemanship.

Life Coach

2009-09-05T23:34:00.003-05:00

So I've decided to add to my repertoire becoming a life coach. I've been reading all night, and most of what they are teaching me I already learned in my Psychology degree. It sounds incredibly like me and I am excited about this new adventure. Of course I'll still teach flute lessons, but this sounds like the perfect addition to my life now.

I rocked in yoga tonight. Superhuman almost. Loved every moment.

Yes, the birds continue.

It's not strange to blog, as I have journaled for myself since I was 12. However it sometimes still feels strange that someone I may or may not know will read this. Oh well, part of the thrill of being me.

Tonight I ate a red apple with peanut butter and it was delicious.

Yes I hot tubbed earlier today.

And I am going to turn on some tunes now and do some creative improv tonight. On the flute that is.

I am thinking about my friend Yvonne tonight in Chicago.

Strength

2009-09-03T11:13:00.001-05:00

I have it now. Beyond that which I have ever known. And in case you were wondering how strength feels........it feels amazing inside my mind, body and heart. Bring it on Universe.

Sara

2009-08-28T00:44:00.002-05:00

www.saradonaldson.com

Go visit her website and check out her CD that was released today on I-Tunes. She is my dear friend. I adore her and her music.

The Last Prose of Summer

2009-08-23T00:57:00.005-05:00

It sounds so blah. The word Blog. Uck. Like I when I blog I should be stuck in a swamp somewhere in a Scooby Doo episode. Blah-ogg. Ewee. But it's not. It's my connection to you, my fearless reader. I share these blogs with you. I share these blogs with me.

I've been to NYC. Central Park. So much to say. I adore it. I can barely open my eyes when in my park here in FW. It's from a different universe. I saw Mamma Mia on Broadway. I danced all night one night while I was there. I circumnagivated ground zero. Participated in a Guinness World record. Was inspired with new music. I lived right in Time Square. Where the apple drops. Or the ball. Whatever it is. I thought it was an apple, but apparently it's not.

For 23 years I didn't listen to myself play music. Yesterday for the first time I listened to myself on CD. It was my recital from last November. I'm so critical of my playing. I anticipated hating it. I've spent so many years telling students to record themselves and listen, and I refused to do this myself. Didn't want to. Knew I needed to. Even my previous three recitals. Nope not gonna listen.

I listened yesterday in pieces and today to the full recital. And I loved it. I LOVED my sound. I ran as fast as I could through Foster Park while I was listening to myself perform. Inspiring myself. Bach. Mozart. The Emperor. I was so happy that it was me on the recording.

I know why I waited so long, but this phase of my musicianship is now over. I will listen to myself. As a musician. As a human. As a spiritual, emotional, mental, physical being. I will pay attention. I will be in the moment. I will be alive.

I've been by choice a music teacher. Fundamentally a teacher. Happy that it's music. Today felt like the reborningness of the artist inside me. I felt urges to perform more. To record more CD's. To play music. Create sound. Shaping melodies. I will do more this year. Perhaps another recital. Perhaps more gigs. Not sure how it will take shape, but the superstar performer Erich who went to flute lessons with Mrs. Gudeman so many years ago is now back and he's ready to be a performing artist again.

TheFluteGuy@yahoo.com is my email. Send me a note if you would like to hear some of my performance.

This summer has been the most spectacular of my life. Tomorrow morning it ends at 11:45am when my fall flute lesson schedule begins. I can feel it approaching. Goodbye summer. I loved you the most of all summers. Chicago. San Diego. New York. Flute Camp. Flute Jam. Sleeping till noon. Raisins. Changes. Aliveness. Improv. Picnic. Mantras. Yoga yoga yoga. Running everywhere. Yvonne. Marion. Mark. Raef. Christine. Tara. Kitty. Allen. Charles. Little Dog. Dooley. Alice. Depa. Supernova. Energy.

I begin Mondaywith a fitness trainer. This week I set goals. I dream. I live in this very moment. I continue to eat only food. Mostly. Here goes everything.....

Justification

2009-08-09T21:56:00.002-05:00

It's it's it's just that life has been overly fascinating this summer. While I want to write about all of the amazing things that have happened, I find myself selfishly or unselfishly not being able to justify pulling myself out of living to stop for even a moment to write about it. I just saw Jules and Julia and I loved it, and she blogged in the movie. So I'm thinking of all my millions of blog readers out there just waiting to see what's next......here are some highlights from the summer:

It's ok for me to be overly happy and to love everything and be fascinated with everything. That's just who I am. I bring this into my teaching by hoping to inspire students with all of my positive energy. I try to be the one who believes in my family and friends. Yes I might even see myself as some form of cheerleader for life.
Teaching band camp this week. 39 high school flutes in one room. Brings back so many memories from when I was a kid. I tell them so many stories of Mrs. Gudeman and Mrs. Sammons.
I visited San Diego in July. At some point in my life I must move there. I absolutely and completely fell in love with the city. Could spend a lifetime at their zoos and beaches and parks and running with cactus trails, and I even went to Comicon. They were honoring my favorite superhero Green Lantern so that was really neat. My friend Marion lives there and I stayed with her. She played a concert at an afterparty at the Hilton Bayside. I got to spend time just looking into the water. What an incredible city. When my flight was delayed coming home to Texas I was so thankful because I got to spend a few more moments looking at the water!
I'm going to NYC on Wednesday to see everything I can see at flute convention and Broadway. I wanna to everything. Shows. Running in Central Park. Dancing. Concerts. Seeing all my friends from all over that I never get to see. I'm so excited. Beyond excited. If I can just make it through 11 hours of flute rehearsals and lessons tomorrow.....Thankgoodness I love my job.
I'm still reading the Anastasia book series by Vladimir Merge. It's really fascinating.
For the past week I've only eaten food. OMG like for real. Things that are food without chemicals or processed sugars or unnatural elements. I'm already feeling better and my pants fit so much better. I think that is just what I needed. So I'm going to do this for the whole month now. I can't believe that I survived a week without a cookie. Oh and the special diet involves no dairy, so just that alone is quite challenging.
I had my lifetime best yoga class this past Tuesday. I think it related to the better food choices. 100 percent mental and physical focus plus I went farther into the poses than ever before.
I'm researching flute improvisation this semester. I've formed some pretty strong opinions about how this should be included in all forms of music teaching. Music literacy includes the ability to form your own musical thoughts. More on this later.
Life continues day by day to become exponentially better. This has happened since Feb 1, 2009. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Goodnight for now. If you wish for more updates just call me or something!!!!! Roar!!!!

Creativity

2009-07-12T09:56:00.002-05:00

My college theater teacher taught me that one is never truly creative until they run out of option. So here I am this morning. Out of options. And I can feel the creativity headed my way. Like the sucking out of water before a tsunami hits. It will not be long now. I better go find my raft.

I will teach today. My last lesson with a student I've taught since she was 11. She will enter college in a few weeks. I wish to instill a legacy of music/creativity/aliveness in my students. My dreams are big for them.

Before I teach today I will run as fast as I can for one hour.

Emotions

2009-07-04T17:04:00.002-05:00

I'm finally healthy. More healthy than I have ever been in my emotions. This is a good solid place to be. I continue to feel the balance within the many components of my life. I'm enjoy the moment while periodically remembering my past and periodically dreaming about my future. This is how it feels to be ALIVE. It's only June and I've accomplished my resolution. Well one of them.

Tonight I will celebrate fireworks with good friends. Tomorrow there is a parade I will play for. Monday I begin my short career teaching art and drama! What a new adventure that will be. I've decided that we will make medallions, a huge magic carpet, and a Persian flag. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and flying through a delightfully new adventure! If I am brave I will post some pictures of the set we create! Toodles for now. I've got to go practice my new flute headjoint that arrived yesterday!

Just Erich

2009-07-01T13:49:00.000-05:00

Start

2009-06-29T13:52:00.001-05:00

Don't even know where to start. Beyond anything I've ever experienced. Can't even imagine what's next.

The Dream

2009-06-24T23:47:00.002-05:00

Life becoming more and more bizarre by the day. I dreamt last night many things. They instantly came true this morning as I awoke. It's just too strange to even pen the details, but I can tell you this much world....I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm awake. I'm alive. I am love.

Tomorrow morning I will continue my summit meetings with my apartment complex. I've allowed their incompetence to interfere with my positive attitude, so tomorrow will be a big day in my straightening things out. I arrived home tonight to find that maintenance left my sink running scalding hot water for what I am guessing is somewhere between five-seven hours. Send me your positive thoughts as I communicate with them tomorrow.

Evelyn's Stickers

2009-06-24T01:09:00.002-05:00

A tear fell from my eye as I walked off the stage tonight. Less than one page left. Stickers. Sent to me in all shapes and sizes. Every season: Halloween, Christmas, Summer. Even animals. In all colors and textures. Footprints. Apples. Stars. Thirty-three years of stickers. Bats. Cats. Rainbows. Clouds. Puffy ones. Smelly ones. Excellents. Wows. Purrfects. Sticky on the bottom. Designer on the top. Stickers. Evelyn’s stickers. That’s correct. My grandma. Evelyn Wallace. Stickers. Her stickers. If I live to be one hundred, then that’s one third of my life getting stickers.

Since I was a child my grandmother has sent me stickers. Makes perfect sense to send stickers to a child, yet I’ve long since been a child. And she continued to send them to me. Many times I imagined myself calling to tell her, “Grandma, I’m twenty-four now…..Grandma, I’m thirty-one now….I really don’t need any more stickers.…I’m a guy, only girls like stickers.…Why is it that you keep sending me stickers? I don’t have a thousand page book that I keep collecting them in.”

I could never actually speak those words to her, so I resigned myself to simply thank her each time she sent some to me. I gave them away to my music students, at first out of just not knowing what else to do with them. Each time they would complete an etude, a scale, a tricky new piece they would get a sticker. Simple plan. Oh she sent me thousands of stickers. I remember weeks when I’d just slop them out onto their music like feeding farm chickens. “Here you go Lauren, Betsy, Ricky, Danny, Ashley, Leah, Hannah. Great work.” (smush) Even if it was just ok, they’d still get a sticker. In some lessons stickers flew out of my hand onto their music. A few of them didn’t really care about the stickers, but most of them would learn just about anything to get a sticker. Stickers had become a big deal at music lessons.

It was grandma’s way of sending love to me. My form of giving approval to my students. My venue to share my grandma. Including her kindness in my teaching. All in a teeny tiny little sticker. Oh my students never met her. Most of them didn’t even know that grandma was sending me the stickers. I’ve sure they have gotten stickers from many of their other teachers. They might not have even considered the fact that I had a grandma. I’d never considered the significance of her stickers before.

Grandma passed away recently. She will not be sending me any more stickers. No more opening letters and boxes with stickers inside. This just occurred to me. Shocked me. I dare say even devastated me. Her death hasn’t been real to me until the very moment I realized this. Grandma isn’t going to send me any more stickers.

I spoke to my students tonight the words necessary for them to continue to improve musically. I instructed them with kindness and wisdom. We had excellent lessons, but I didn’t give out any stickers. I now have less than one page of her stickers left to give out. In my mind I silently listened to the words which I know I will never actually speak to my students: “You better put your whole heart into your music this week. You better practice. You better get things together. If you want a sticker now you’re going to have to work hard for it. These are the last good stickers left from a grandma that has handed down generations of wisdom and love to me. No slackers. No excuses now. You better play like you’ve never played before or else I am gonna keep these for myself. I mean it.”

I don’t want to go to the store to buy more stickers. I now remember what it feels like to be eight and to want stickers. “Grandma, I know I’m thirty-three now….please send me some more stickers. The ones at the store, they just are not any good. The look like your stickers, but they didn’t come from you and I don’t want to give out stickers that don’t come from you.” A tear fell from my eye as I walked off the stage tonight.

Less Spiritual Blog Today

2009-06-22T22:39:00.002-05:00

So today I bought new tires for my car, which took Sears four hours to complete. I displayed complete niceness despite their dumbassness. Fortunately for me their shop is next to the mall where I spent my first 2 hour wait, also also next to my gym where I spent the rest of the time! My car also had an alignment. This is the first time I have heard of alignments for cars. I will have to call Ryan to make sure cars really need them. Since I know nothing about cars I wonder if they just make stuff up to tell me.

I am my mother's son. While at the mall I searches Sears, Dillard's and Macy's to find the exact carry-on luggage that I wanted, just like Deepa's that she brought to Costa Rica last November. Samsonite Silhouette 11 Upright 22inch if you want to check it out. So here is the best part. After I found it I googled it on my IPhone, found it for less than half the price Macy's was asking, then ordered in on my phone with free delivery while sitting next to it. Global village. It's really that easy. I also bought a cover for my IPhone today at the Apple store, where I learned that I can convert my PC word documents to Apple, so the next computer I buy will be an apple. Not getting one yet. Will use this one as long as it works. But the next will be Apple. I spoke to my mom on the way to the Apple store and she thought I was going to buy fruit.

Today I worked out, finally made it to Bikram yoga, and then Turbo Kickboxing to end the evening. What a day. I am sore physically. I am not sore any other way.

To accompany the personal mantra and relationship mantra that I wrote last night I plan to compose a teaching mantra soon.

Tomorrow I hope to exchange a music stand, get a haircut, go to boot camp, and teach several flute lessons. I am also thinking about selling my piano, but I have not decided for sure yet.

A boring blog tonight. Not my creative selfisizez tonight. There is always tomorrow.....

My Daily Mantra

2009-06-22T01:03:00.002-05:00

Thought that some of you might find this interesting or helpful. I've written this tonight based on the SRT centering prayers (not even sure what SRT stands for.) I am posting it to my wall to read each morning. I wish to improve everyday.

I am a spiritual being
I am more than my physical body
I am awake
I am alive
I am love
I am passion
I am energy
I am creative
I adore my life, my friends, my lifework, my family, my world

I am paying attention to the fascinating world around me
I am part of the Universe where I reside
I am a powerful being
My spirit is complete
My spirit is perfect

I use my free will to choose wisely
My soul is learning and growing on earth
My path includes healing for my mind, body and emotions
My path includes wisdom and truth

I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts
I let go of negative thoughts
I can change my thoughts
My thoughts become reality
I have emotions, but I am not my feelings
I have the ability to influence the entire universe with my thoughts

I let go of destructive energies
I remember times that hold love and joy in my heart
I am an eternal, endless being
I embrace love and passion
Infinite Radiant Love surrounds me

I can do what needs to be done
There is order to my learning, growing, healing
I DO NOT FORCE PLANS TO HAPPEN
I TRUST THE SPIRITUAL ORDER
I desire a blessing for everyone in my life
My mind, body and soul are evolving every day
I accept Divine Order in my life now

I am the tiny grain of sand at the conclusion of the Never Ending Story
I live a pure, effortless, beautiful life
All of my time is quality time
I am always open to new ideas
I enjoy living
I will accomplish the most good possible today
I am a spiritual being

The Evolution of My Soul

2009-06-07T10:12:00.002-05:00

Written in Chicago at Yvonne's Condo overlooking Lake Michigan while listening to Sara's music. Visit www.saradonaldson.com to hear what I am hearing.

I feel the water. It's inside me. Water is me. I drink. I run next to. Cleanses me. Closer to me than any other element. Combines with Air to nourish me. Flourish. Flood. Fill. Formulate.

With no practical way to do yoga, or workout while here, no fancy Everlast Shadow box classes with Angie or Turbo Cycle with Sheila (which my legs are still recovering from by the way)...I return to my first love. Quite forsaken in recent months, Running has returned. When I run I think, I clarify, I plan, I grow.....peace unfolds. Life abundantly. For me running is still dancing in a straight line.

Oh I've always wanted more, learning, growing, aspiring. It's a quality that mom instilled in my as a small child. It's just that now, there rate at which I am mentally, emotionally, physically evolving is astounding to me. The strange coincidences, materialization of thought, beyond understandable to my previous self. My world is beyond fascinating.

I find confidence. New confidence. Strength to finally let go of the strings. Fly. Never never land becomes a distant fleeting memory. Confidence beyond any that I have known. I may have been Peter Pan, but I am no longer a boy.

I looked over the balcony at dawn to see the morning. I saw the light. And later the fireworks. And later the rest. Here I go. I'm ready for MORE.....

My Grandma's Garden

2009-05-10T11:45:00.001-05:00

Marigold flowers bloom
Dusty red, deep orange and dark yellow
Many multicolored flags dance
“Ice cream sandwich or Oreos”
Roosters and dice
The blue green ocean you gave me will suffice

Can’t see you, hear you, know you, touch you now
Beyond all shadows of rhyme or reason, time or distance
I will remember you and delight in your freely given advice

Grandma...My biggest fan
Though you sometimes forgot to tell me
Overhearing you telling important people how proud you were of me
Was much better that way

I will know you again when it is my day to fly away
Your precious spirit is now forever a part of mine
My beautiful and beloved grandma, Evelyn Wallace
Now together with your soaring son who left so long ago
Death is never final

Go water your plants
Don’t forget to squirt off the sidewalk while you are there

-Erich Douglas Tucker, May 10, 2009

Tiny Grain of Sand

2009-04-25T00:23:00.003-05:00

That tiny grain of sand at the end of the Neverending Story, you know that the child Empress is holding. That's me tonight. Defying gravity. Literally boundless. Through the roof. If life got any better I am not sure how it could. My face is hurting because I have smiled so much tonight. Not kidding about that.

Three months of no cable, and I can not even find time to watch the videos I bought. I think of great stories to blog about all the time, then there isn't any time left for blogging cause the stories keeps coming. I totally don't get reality TV now. Why watch reality when you can be living it?

Evolution of the soul. Some crazy things happening. Far to bazaar to write about. Life at the absolute maximum. Studio recital was tonight. T'was absolutely glorious. While I am still interested in winning the lottery, I know I'd never be able to not be a flute teacher. It's part of my nature. I adore the sounds my students created tonight. I lived inside their sound. Almost literally. No martha tonight, only Mary. Appointed and chosen. Adoring. Spilled out. Pure effortless joy.

I barely make sense to myself anymore. It's a new level of existence. I am beyond my wildest dreams. I am so spent tonight that I may sleep all day tomorrow. I am figuring out the why in life. Meaning. I GET IT NOW.

Time Again

2009-03-17T20:58:00.002-05:00

I am reminded again that time is the most valuable gift you can give a person. I am learning to cherish the time I have with my dear friends. Moments, no not moments, splashes, yes splashes of joy in my life. I spent time with dear friends tonight and my heart is energized because of that.

I'm exponentially growing more and more fascinated with life each day. Crazy things are happening now that I am AWAKE. This is better than anything I have ever dreamed.

And the heart wrenching, tear-stained pillow, anguish of all anguishes process of letting go. I find a beginning of what to do here. When someone does not want to spend time with you, then that is the first clue that I must start the process. Like a bird in the midnight sky I know where to go. Keep flying.

I am reading Effortless Mastery, a book on music teaching, and The Four Hour Work Week, a book on self improvement/buisness. More on these later. I am excited about the new information here.

Tonight I SHINE.

The Heat is On

2009-03-07T10:25:00.002-06:00

Attraction to hot lately. Hot yoga daily. Hot tub daily. And now even though it is warming up outside I am still sleeping with bed heater on and staying on the hott part of the bed all night long. I'm drawn to the heat. I wonder why.

OCD

2009-03-04T00:14:00.002-06:00

My test. To see if I can conquor my OCD. I am taking my laundry without folding it and setting it on the floor in a great big pile in my room. I am not folding it tonight. Not one little piece of it. And this may kill me, but I am doing it. Just to see if I can. I know I can.

Emergency

2009-03-03T01:26:00.002-06:00

So here's what happened this week. Big deal. Problem for me. Ouch. I accidently bought two enormous containers of creamy organic peanut butter. Awful! Terrible. Don't want to eat any of it. I prefer crunchy. Super crunchy. So I was wondering....Can I just go buy some peanuts and then smash them up, then put them in the creamy and mix it up well? Will this be the same or better? I don't want to waste two jars of creamy peanut better. Maybe I should just give them away and buy some more? What in the world should I do?

Fascinating

2009-02-23T10:35:00.002-06:00

I've been cheating on you........a friend gave me a journal to write in, and that's where I've been putting stories this month. It just had to be that way.......I'm sorry. But I'm back now, energized with more thoughts than ever before. Here goes:

Last night I had to drive to the store at 1am to buy a green pen. I felt an overwhelming need to journal and it had to be in green.
The past three weeks have been the most fascinating weeks of my life. I'm so alert and awake and alive. ALIVE that was my resolution this year. Everything is making sense and I am so fascinated by everything.
Char just texted me about the sun. It's relentless shining. Giving of energy. Love.
I'm letting go of so much. I even had a dream this week of Sara telling me to let go as she was demonstrating a posture for me. Letting go feels great.
I'm still bird watching. It's so interesting.
I've had my first two painful yoga experiences. A new teacher who I absolutely adore outside of class, I just hate being under her instruction. I know that this is good for me since I am so resistant to her instruction. I actually think her class is about ten degrees hotter than the other teacher's classes.
My cable has been off for a month. I think I'm officially detoxed from it. I've been so fascinated with life that I would not have had time to watch it anyway. This morning I awoke to see the reflection of myself in bed in the TV screen. I was literally watching myself on TV. It was just for a moment with the light from the sun hitting the screen just right.
I found new superhero shirts at Target on Saturday. Five of them. I feel so powerful wearing them. One has my hero Green Lantern. Everyone who sees me in them has commented to me about how much they like them. I've only worn two so far. I've left my black and blue wardrobe. I was aware of why it had to change before it happened, but it officially happened on Saturday. My new found powers needed to be confirmed before I had the courage to change. There are so many applications to life that I am finding in the physical world. The physical world reflects our emotional state. I'm paying attention. I really am. Listening. Looking. Feeling. I had no idea this is what would happen when I chose ALIVE for this year. I wonder how the others are doing. I better go check up on them.
I am eating my leftover sweet potato from lunch as I write this. I'm going to go now to nap a bit before flute lessons start today.

Bird Watching

2009-02-08T00:07:00.001-06:00

I've seen 20 birds in the past three weeks. Life is getting interesting. Why are they all flying towards me now?

25 Random Facts About Erich

2009-02-03T23:02:00.002-06:00

1) I’ve always been attracted to the color green. As a child I would only eat green foods: broccoli, mint chocolate-chip ice great, green beans, pistacio pudding, etc. My favorite superhero was Green Lantern from SuperFriends cartoon and I totally had one of his green power rings that I wore to school. I own two green couchs now.

2) I’ve kept a journal since I was 14 years old, written by hand until a year ago when I discovered blogging. I’ve also had three of my scripts published by the National Drama Service.

3) I love my job. I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was in preschool. Most of what I say and do in teaching music and theater just comes from within like some kind of fountain. I don’t even know how I do it most of the time. I feel that my job is the most important in the whole world, creating dreams with students and equipping them with the skills to accomplish them. Many of my students I have taught for 6 or more years and I love that I get to invest in their lives and watch them grow. Most days I can not believe that I am paid to do what I do. I am actually doing what I have always wanted to do and it feels amazing.

4) I greatly dislike the idea of working for money. I wish to be financially secure enough so that I don’t have to ask for money for my teaching.

5) My favorite restaurants: Chipotle, Pei Wei, Billy Miners, Central Market, Yuktan Taco Stand and others, they all have one thing in common, they don’t have waiters. If even given a choice I will always choose a place to eat that doesn’t have waiters. I don’t know why. I can eat at places where I am waited on, and I often do, but if it is ever my choice then I will choose a place where I can wait on myself.

6) I lived on the 69th street for the first 18 years of my life, not far from a lagoon. My grandma lived next door and my great-grandmother next to her.

7) I own nose hair trimmers. This horrifies me.

8) I currently drive around town in my dream car.

9) My favorite sound in the entire world is two flutes with one cello. I love to listen to and perform the Haydn London trios. When I was 14 my band director gave me a tape of these trios and I listened to it every night until I lost the tape.

10) I started practicing Bikram yoga one year ago, yeah the hot kind. It’s transformed my life. I barely resemble myself a year ago. I adore yoga class even though it’s the hardest thing I do each day. I adore my yoga friends. I can’t imagine life without practicing yoga.

11) One night four years ago I performed a spontaneous concert in the smoking section of the Denny’s on University Drive with a homeless-looking man, a Fort Worth Symphony violin player and the Sweet Adeline Singers. I had gone there at 11pm to grade papers alone. I don’t even like eating at Denny’s ever and I can’t imagine why I would have even considered going there that night. Destiny I suppose.

12) I own a ceramic watermelon pig.

13) My bed is like a circus. I have five blue blankets, ten pillows and a dual-control heated mattress pad that has one side set to ten and the other side to five. If I sleep on the ten side I wake up covered in sweat and I love it. If I sit on the floor at the end of my bed I get a free butt massage because of the ceiling fan in the apartment below me. I don’t even have to pay extra for this feature.

14) I really wish that I had not started writing this list of 25 random things because I feel like I should finish it and I don’t want to.

15) I’m not a quitter.

16) I am/was a Christian. I love the lessons that I learned from studying the Bible when I was young and I love the community of believers that I was a member of back then. They changed my life for the better. I am grateful to have had these experiences and these memories. I love old-time hymns and contemporary praise and worship music. Lately well, I’m just so embarrassed by the way so many Christians and churches act that I don’t even want to tell people that I am one. I really don’t think the entire Bible is true anymore and I find many of the teachings of my former church, well, more than awful. I’m in the process of re-figuring out how I believe. I’m okay with this process and I am kinda enjoying the journey. Not sure what I should call myself at the moment.

17) My first two favorite movies are Mamma-Mia and Clueless. Alicia Silverstone in my opinion is the greatest actress of all time.

18) I have a grey trash can in my kitchen with a swingy lid. I never had a swinging lid trash can before. I love throwing things away now. Sometimes I throw stuff away just so I can watch the lid swing back and forth. I’ve gotten much better now. When I first brought this trash can home three years ago I threw away stuff all the time.

19) I put toothpaste directly in my mouth from the tube, then put the brush in my mouth. You don’t ever want to borrow my toothpaste.

20) I don’t really like animals. Any kind of animal honestly. My grandparents say that this makes me a bad person and they especially can’t understand why I don’t like dogs. I don’t really hate animals either. I just don’t feel anything toward them. I remember always having animals when I was younger and liking them, and I think at some point in the future I will start liking animals again. I already like to look at pictures of animals and see them at zoos. I do a lot of running and so many dogs chase me that this could be why I don’t like them now.

21) I always follow Christine Cleary’s advice. If she said to jump off a bridge then yes I would jump.

22) I’ve fallen in love several times in my life. It’s has always happened instantly. My life verse is: “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life.” The great clarinetist Mary Ellen Watson once said, “You can’t tell your heart who to love.” She was my date to the county fair in 7th grade. To this day I have her phone number memorized and she lives in the same house. We are friends. I still believe in true love.

23) I’ve recently read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and her book has made a huge impression on me. Balance. Pleasure. Devotion.

24) I own a ceramic watermellon pig named Piggolo.

25) As an actor, I always liked playing the narrator parts the most. Sometimes now when I am driving down these Texas highways I just start spontaneously narrating things. In the past two years I have directed twenty shows, but not acted in any. On Saturday I will return to take level three Four Day Weekend Improv Comedy course. I am so excited to be on stage again.

Floss

2009-01-27T15:42:00.003-06:00

I also finally remembered to buy floss today. My teeths are so happy now.

Jig Saw Puzzle

2009-01-27T15:22:00.002-06:00

The past two weeks have been almost a miracle. I'm finally figuring myself out and growing. Seeing the world around me with new eyes. It's been like a circus. Elephants. Birds. Green towels. Movies. Postures. Balls of energy. A brand new bright green door. An oddly orange flower. I'm dazzled by all of this and it's like I am being given little pieces to the puzzle of my life and I am gradually putting them together, and the best part of all is that it's fun. As if I didn't already love life, I now love it even more. Right now my life is just filled with people I completely adore. Each day when I close my eyes I look forward to the next day when I will figure out even more. Not all of it is 100% fun, but even with the tougher lessons I am growing.

I barely resemble myself of just two weeks ago. I never imagined that I could change so quickly.

I'm still quite excited about yoga and food and flutes. Today at Central Market I got more and more excited about each item that I put in my shopping cart! The whole wheat tortillas are back. Today in yoga my hiccups came back. I plan to bake chocolate chip cookies soon to end my 9 months of not using the oven in my apartment.

The basic idea here is that life makes sense to me now. I get it. There is a little bird on my wall standing on an antique door knob. I think it's a clue that a door will open for me soon. My eyes are wide open this month looking for it!

ROAR!

Dear Dual-Control Heated Mattress Pad,

2009-01-21T09:48:00.002-06:00

Thank you so much
for keeping my bed
so warm and cozy.
I appreciate it.

From: Erich

please remember

2009-01-18T01:09:00.002-06:00

apointment sat morning
the chess set upstairs
the crescent moon on my car
laughing till it hurt
my feet
green is for growth, healing
chakras
four sitting at the kitchen table
butt cramps
butterflies
something is happening
must sift to figure out what

LEVEL THREE

2009-01-16T20:13:00.003-06:00

I've been waiting two years for Four Day Weekend to offer the Level Three Improv Comedy Course. I am so excited. This is going to be a blast. Deepa may join in for this too since she has also completed level two.

There Isn't Anything Missing in My Life

2009-01-10T23:02:00.003-06:00

Last night I had a breakthrough in my yoga/life. Actually I've had several in the past twenty-four hours. I beamed through yoga class again. Cathy was teaching, and there were three moments when I mentally went back to fifth grade and was playing pee wee football (which I never did back then) and it was as if she was cheering the dialogue to us, and I just beamed and beamed and did the posture like I was running a touchdown. Quite childlike. I looked at my elbow just as I was feeling this in Standing Bow and I saw not drops of sweat running off of me, but a thin, steady stream of water. Like I was a faucet. Later in the floor series during the first set of camel, it was almost like a wide tractor beam was shooting out of my belly button toward the sky. It released a flood of thought/emotion inside me and I let go of everything. Like the Care Bear cartoons that I watched as a kid. Every squiggily stringy of life's portions that I wanted, but never got. Every unrequited emotion inside me. While I bended, it shot out of me. The second set of camel till the end of class, just plain exercise.

I imagine if you're reading this an not a yoga person that you may think this is insane, but this is what really happened in my life last night.

After class I went to Spiral diner with ten of my friends. We rode in a little orange bus around the block while singing, "Miss Suzy had a baby, her baby's name was Tim. She put him in the..." Incredibly silly. Fantastically fun. Just what I needed after such a developmentally stimulating class.

After diner I spent some time with a new friend, improvising music and sharing stories. Ember, my flute is now friends with Sasha the cello. Wood and metal. Elements. Exactly.

So when things happen to us in life, especially when they are traumatic, there is often a lesson to be learned, or some parallel inside ourselves. Pause your reading now if you are faint of heart, yesterday at work I had my first flute attack. It's kinda like a heart attack, but it's the moment when I realise that I have no idea where my flute is. I arrived at work and it wasn't in my bag. Then I rushed back home and tore up the entire house, I mean everything, looking for flute. Nowhere to be found. In one last effort I went back down to my car and found my flute right there on the seat. But for that hour, I was completely freaked out and fearful.

This morning as I woke up it all made sense, why I'd been through this experience yesterday. I've been mentally thinking that something is missing in my life, something should be here that isn't. Partly cause of my time off at Christmas, and in general I just felt there was more in life that I wasn't getting. So I intented to search for this missing part of my life. Until it hit me this morning:

Just like my flute wasn't really gone, there really isn't anything missing from my life. Through this experience in this moment today I have everything I've ever wanted. Totally gratitude for my life. Total appreciation and enjoyment of my life for what it is right now in this moment. Oh sure in the future there might be more for me that I will receive, or there might be something added. But for tonight, I'm in complete contentment.

I returned to yoga today wide-eyed, busy-tailed, hoping for more breakthroughs. Nope. Notta. Nothing. Could barely make it thought class. Could have just been so weak that I didn't have the strength to even do all the postures. And I felt in my back the empty space where I'd been storing up all of those thoughts I'd released last night. Tomorrow I return to see what else I can do.

Double Yoga

2009-01-05T22:07:00.003-06:00

Well I just finished a double back-to-back yoga class and I can honestly say my body has never felt this flexible in my life. Wow. If you've never tried this hot yoga before, then you should. It's penetrated my life and brought life into balance. Each time I go in to class it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Tonight I was beaming the entire time, well for the first class at least. To challenge yourself to your maximum, that's good stuff.

I return to work tomorrow. Boo. Boo. I'm praying that as I sleep somehow I will gain excitement and be ready. I've enjoyed this break so much that I just want it to go on and on.

The Secret

2009-01-02T21:16:00.002-06:00

So I am rereading The Secret this week. The neatest part about their instructions is that it comes so naturally to me. Imagine. Expect. Dream. Envision. Thank. Believe. Finally a book that tells me to do things that I am fantastic at. It's been working all week. I've seen so much progress just though believing.

I've just one/two more days of Christmas vacation left. I'm treasuring every moment. Resting like I've never rested before. Oh yeah, almost forgot to tell you, I've found this perfect little restaurant: The Spiral Diner. Friends have been trying to get me to go there for ages, but I've always resisted basically because I'm not vegan. Well I finally went last week and loved it so much that I have been back five times this week! Today for lunch and dinner. My favorite dish so far is their salad. It was scrumptious tonight. Also figured out that I like avocados and I've had humus for the first time. This is a new world. Their creativity in designing the food and their building is fascinating as well. Two thumbs up.

Tonight I search within my soul to find every last ounce of creativity. Splashing that all over the walls of my newly cleaned apartment. Yes this week a maid came to clean my place. I am dancing all around because there is no dirt anywhere to be found tonight!

2009 WORD

2009-01-01T01:52:00.004-06:00

I found my word for this year. Needed one word to describe the goals I have for this next year. ALIVE. That's it. I will be more alive than ever before. I've gotten the balance flexibilty and strength from before. Now I seek to live. Abundantly. Beyond all that I ever imagined. On a new level of life. In the moment. Alive. Erich is alive in 2009. Ready or not here I come.

My friends at our new years party each have words too. I hope to keep up with them and stay focused on our goals:

Mandy: Joy
Heather: Giving
Dereck: Honest
Andy: Growth
Robin: Happy

2009 Goals

2008-12-30T14:06:00.002-06:00

I'm sure that I will add to this, but I'd like to get started with some goals for this upcoming year. Last year I made the goal to find balance and flexibility in my life. I'm so much happier now that I have more in my life. It's my plan to continue to improve in 2009.

I'd like to do a bit more performing this year. I'd say right now I teach 94% and perform 6%, just enough to scoot by. I'd like to do about 10-15% performing this year, stretch me in some new ways. Maybe some acting, I'd love to find an improv or sketch troupe to join, or even to just do more flute.
I've heard of this new yoga called Synergy, it works in groups. I'd like to try that. I know about it. Now I want to figure out where it is.
Travel. Not excessively, but way more than I do now. I think 5-6 trips per year would be good, and I want to go somewhere incredible! I am already pumped about my first trip to New York in August.
ABS. The biggest goal this year is that I want to see my abs. I know it's superficial, but after my 14 hours per week of working out, running and yoga with kickboxing and cycling thrown in for variety, I just wanna see them. Just once. I think 10 more pounds gone and I will see them.
Expand circles of friends. I think of all the superstar peeps I have met this year and I want to keep this up. Energy. I think I may start a club or something.
I'd like to be a teeny bit less silly. Oh I love my funness, but sometimes it's too much even for me. Except with the Cher doll, she has to stay.
Figure out how to work without spending so much time at work. Even though I adore my job, I'd like to explore alternate sources of income/employment.

Never Eat Alone

2008-12-30T13:52:00.002-06:00

Troy suggested I read this book called Never Eat Alone, in general it was pretty boring, but I did find some excellent information that I'd like to use in my life. It's more of a professional work related book, but I found some applications for my personal life as well. Here are some of the highlights of the book that I'd like to remember:

You can't outsource creativity. Today's world values creativity over power. If what you do can be done by anyone, then eventually someone else will do it for less and you will be out of luck.
There is no better way to learn than by teaching. (I completely agree.)
Know what your talents are.
Be a life long learner.
Emotion moves people to action.
Promote yourself cause nobody else will.
Listen with your heart and discover your passions.
You can't feel love in your life if you hate your work. (I am incredibly grateful that I adore my job.)
Have a mentor. (I have two.)
I want to have an many refrigerator right friends as possible. These are people who can come over to your house and it's completely fine for them to open the fridge and eat whatever they want. This is how my life used to be in college, but it's grown away from that. I wish for this to change and my circle of dear friends to expand even more.
Be more concerned with what you want to do, rather than what you should be doing.
Have a life filled with people I care greatly about. I already have this.
Never work a day in my life. Got this one down too. (Mostly.)
My happiness comes from connections with others.
Souls are hungry for meaning and meaningful relationships.
Boldness: It never hurts to ask.
Games are not for meaningful connections.
People always care about what they do. Ask them about it to connect with them.
Google people before important business meetings. (This is a new concept for me. I'm not sure that I want to do this. Feels like spying, but I guess it does help you know who you are about to meet.)
Talk a little. Say a lot. Brevity.
Our passions are contagious.
Ice beakers: food, workouts.
When we put ourselves on the line we create opportunities for deeper connections.
Nonverbal: Be aware of your/their space, and use appropriate amounts of touching. His elbow idea is interesting.
Listen to people and pay attention to what they are saying.
Smile.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Everyone on earth has something to teach me. Learn from them.
Be interesting. Who wants to talk to someone who has nothing to say. I think I'm great at this, but I'd like to be even better.